Gadgets Geek Pillows

A smart reader would get a Kindle and have thousands of books on just one device. A book is a universe. The goal, my dim nemesis, is to lose yourself in that universe. While reading, nothing should exist outside of you and the book. Having several other books just a tap away ruins the intimacy of the reading experience. That's the problem with your generation. As readers, you're all philandering hussies.

'When a 3D printer can make a hamburger, I'll get one.'

Pounding speeds up the computer.

The Future: "Sorry, but I have to show you an ad now."

"He can't decide which one he likes best. . .His leaf blower, his weed wacker, or his metal detector."

Robots search for people's personal information in the cloud.

"The good old days of eating the washing off the line are all gone methinks: The farmer has bought an electric dryer..."

The Computer Bore

'I have a plan 'B' but that's also dependent on a working projector bulb.'

'I've decided to centralize my operations. Everything will be in my ipad.'

Dear, could you please pick up some batteries? The ones in the remote are dead and I feel like I'm Amish.

"Technology isn't making me smarter. It's allowing me to be dumb, faster."

'Do you remember when our time away from the office was our time...'

"There's smart phones and smart cars, so why can't there be smart rooms that clean themselves?"

"Google car."

'Let me through, I'm at Doctor.com.'

"Sorry, we've found an app that's better at being you than you!"

"The GPS works great, we have satellite TV installed, the Sirius stereo sounds fantastic and our every move is tracked by Qualcomm. But could you turn around? I left me iphone at the house. . ."

'First you forget logarithms. Then you forget how to do long division. Then the multiplication table begins to go...'

"Now that's what I call customer service!"

It's a male thing - I saw a toaster with power assist, and I bought it.

"I just love the way you're so endlessly inventive in the bedroom."

CEO with SEO

"I haven't a clue what it does, but I don't know I managed without it"

"As you can see, I've alphabetized the items, presents owing if you will, so if you can digitally initial here, here, here, here and here and sign there. Thank you. See you December 24."

Evolution.

Swiss army hospital...'scalpel...'

'Can our software do that?'

'Anything you can compute I can compute better. I can compute anything better than you.'

'You don't have to explain the software to me. I wrote it while I was in the womb.'

e-shoes

Elfie Stick

'We manufacture micro computing circuits. We're looking to hire someone who can anticipate the next small thing.'

"I give up. Where's the power button?"

Walking Luggage.