Future Smeller Gifts

Nostrildamus.

The Future: "Sorry, but I have to show you an ad now."

Guy at drink stand says to Medium: 'Medium?'

'The good news is we're projecting a profit. The bad news is none of us will be alive then.'

Man enters a palm reading establishment carrying a tropical plant.

Don't worry, I see babies, lots of babies...

"What a tragedy... he still had two years of his super left..."

"I'm not sure you'll want to know this."

Madame Lucille - Fortune Teller 'I predict the future'.

"Hello - I'm from the future..."

"We come from the future and just want to say: Hey, thanks for the planet!"

Totalitarian Humour

Olympic Climate

"Meeting old relatives...is like peeking into our future."

Paw readings

"I see a girl, I see a marriage, I see her not understanding you, I see a beer belly. Do you want me to go on?"

"My father was a Brexit negotiator and his father before him..."

'It's Blurred.'

'But if you want the real lowdown, we'll need some of your DNA.'

"I see you, I see a vet, you're sore for weeks afterwards."

"We're having a special today on bright futures."

"It called a smart phone. Cool, but no service."

'I can't say what the market's going to do, but you're going to have fourteen children.'

'I really don't know how you got here with your life line!'

'We programmed it to simulate living conditions in the year 2000, and it's become hysterical.'

'Congratulations, you've got the job. Unfortunately though, you'll be constantly late, and we'll fire you in two months.'

'Come off it-she only said the guys will be fighting over us because you said we lived UNDER a boxing club!'

"Oh, it's you, I'm glad I picked up.You wouldn't believe how many annoying telepathicmarketing calls I get."

"I know I'm going to get older - but how much?"

'Before we begin, let me see what my fortune cookie says.'

Ill next Thursday

They say animals have the sixth sense and the talent to look into the future...

'You say you're having trouble seeing into the future'

New World Order