Future Jockey Gifts

"I want to be a Jockey."

'How are the ventriloquist lessons going?'

Rocking Horse

A day at the transgenic races

"And the winner is… Dan the Man by a nose!"

I love your enthusiasm, girls, but we're not opening a can of whoop-ANYTHING.

"Tour de Frank"

Exercising

"... And his piano teacher says that he definitely has Van Gough's ear for music."

The Epsom Derby - The Finishing Line

The team video didn't spotlight my talents. I've hired my own film crew. They'll showcase my skills so college recruiters can see my strengths. Wow! How can the director pack so much into one little video? Great point! Daddy? Tell Steven Spielberg we're going feature length. Nice save!

"That's nice, but do you have any references other than your Mom?"

'Humans seem to be so weight-conscious: My rider weighs himself before each race...'

'Isn't it time you started thinking about cars instead of horsie rides?'

"Next, I'd like to play 'Guantanamera.'"

Violin Player

Gentlemen Riders

"To save enough money to buy my lowrider, I figure I need to keep my summer job for...10,734 days."

"Well, I'm just saying, buying me a cheap used car for graduation is not going to teach me responsibility."

"Whether they are his first words or not - E.V.'s do not make that sound!"

First past the post.

Bumpy Ride

'I need both hands for steering.'

Horse racing puns

"Did you see neighhhhhh...bours last night?"

'He has the Big Cheese on his side - But the High Muckity-Mucks will be with us.'

'Well, I can't find anything in the rule book about it.'

The Derby- Horse Auction at Tattersall's

Advertising space on jockeys' bottoms

"This horse comes with all the hardware necessary to be fully autonomous."

Sporting maladies.

'I'm racing him in the 4.30.'

"I couldn't get a signal while I was at the mall. I can now relate to those songs that sing about the blues."

Stout gentleman: 'That's the way to get over a gate! I don't think you left me so far behind that time.'

Scientists discover a new Superbug