Future Fortune Teller Gifts

"The first thing we should do is get you two into a good mutual fund. Let me get out the 'Magic 8 Ball' and we'll fun some options."

WORLD ENDS TODAY!..OR NOT!

'Would you say this glass is half empty or half full?'

Your weight and fortune.

'Okay, listen... if the world ends on December 21st, I'll pay you €100. If not, you'll pay me €100, deal?'

He did not always fit in well with the group think of the other scientists.

"Do you think reports cards can predict your future?"

"Don't worry, we research all our 'buy' recommendations."

Guy at drink stand says to Medium: 'Medium?'

'Any minute now I'll be getting a headache.'

"I forsee you will have a better chance of winning the lottery than growing your testicles back."

"The sweater you knit him will be thrown out in February."

"This paw has you meeting a lovely poodle, an enchantress who will win your heart... but look, here, this is telling me she's lousy with fleas."

Asking out a palm reader.

Don't worry, I see babies, lots of babies...

Emergency numbers on a telephone.

'... And this is Goldsmith, our futures consultant.'

Quantum Psychic

"I'm not sure you'll want to know this."

'Oh, no - I have to read each tentacle - that'll be extra, of course.'

"Tell her she's dead. I don't want to talk about the relationship."

"What is it? You're not wet or hungry. Mommy's not a mind reader. OK, I am, but I've never been very good at it."

Channelling on the Cheap

Using psychic powers, the final exam had been a breeze. However, Madame Evetta did not realize that the student in front of her from who she had obtained the majority of her answers, was Bugs Higgins.

"I know you think this sort of thing is nonsense sir, and I hate to prove you wrong. But according to my crystal ball, you're not going to give me the raise I'm about to ask for."

'I can see a visit to the vet, but, oh my, no more kids after that!...'

Pie Filling Reader

Madame Lucille - Fortune Teller 'I predict the future'.

"I see a pretty lady who looks a lot like you....a very kind lady...and she's adopting what appears to be a box of adorable kittens!"

Madame ZuZu. Dream Interpretation. Tarot. Palms. She says the dream where I'm taking a test naked means I barely made it through school.

'I see you in five years from now, you're still coming to see me. Do you want me to book the appointments in advance?'

'If you had been born two days later you'd have been kind and clever with a great sense of humour.'

Psychic to Leylandii tree - 'You will reach great heights.'

Windows or Mac?

'You're going on a long journey. Have you got an OAP's bus pass?'