Future Father Pillows

Parenting Academy...I failed insemination.

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"No wonder babies are born screaming. I haven't had a wink of sleep since the exit light came on!"

"That's all I get? A sonogram? No tracking number?"

Coming Soon - Maternity Clinic. Coming Soon After - Law Firm Dealing in Medical Malpractice.

"I hoped you'd change your hobby when you became a father"

"I don't know...sometimes I think I don't spend enough time with them. What kind of role model am I?"

Believe it or not: Once upon a time Dads couldn't even boil water.

"No, Justin, I said, will you come to antenatal class with me."

"It's a boy, ... and two girls, then another boy, another girl, and there more boys."

"Mother nature sure is confusing...she gives me a clothes line but no clothes!"

"Please doctor, hit him again. I need to get that ring-tone."

"If I turn it up I might get out of here quicker!"

"Mum's biological clock is ticking away...OOPS!...my mistake. That's indigestion."

"He looks like you, and he isn't even born yet."

Baby, baby maker

'Don't worry about gaining weight after the baby - you'll run it off during the toddler years.'

-THIRTY thousand? I thought you wanted TEN thousand? -I'm having triplets!

"Which one's yours?"

Baby's First Words... Hi Guys!

'OK Mr and Mrs Johnson let's spin the wheel and find you a child!'

"It's a dependent!"

"Dear Mum. As contractions begin I thank you for letting me share your uterus. When do I get my bond money back??"

'Let me get this clear. You want me to give you paternity leave before the baby is born.'

'You want Chinese food? Are you going to have a baby or something?'

Baby At The Entrance Of The Maze Of Life

Welcome to the uterus. Please be seated. Your mother will be with you in nine months.

'I've had some strange cravings during my pregnancy. Such as the one to strangle my husband.'

"It's perfect for starting a family."

Chapter 10: How to extend your stay and throw your father's paternity leave application into chaos.

'Oooh, she has your eyes Horus.'

Overprotective Father

Newborns on cell phones

"Six down, three to go!!"

"Congratulations, counselor - it's a baby boy, with a full set of teeth."