Future Bankers Gifts

"Just give me your wallet. Trust me, you do not want to deal with my misplaced sense of entitlement."

'I don't know if money grows on trees, son. I know it doesn't grow in fields.'

'Too late...looks like they've already been pillaged.'

A child runs an equity stand.

'The bank says they're freezing my assets! I don't understand: They've always been frozen...'

'All we can do is hope for identity theft.'

"If it's all the same to you, I'd like my allowance in bitcoins."

'I'm afraid that the top investment banks are looking for more from job applicants than a 'Top Degree from the University of Hard Knocks'.'

"Sorry, stock-market jitters."

'This is where I keep my investment portfolio.'

"So much for password protected."

'You know, you can do this all online now.'

'If you don't learn how to sign your name, you'll have to pay cash!'

"We've decided to diversify our funds on some candy!"

'In the future, if we're a little late with your allowance, don't just automatically turn it over to a collection agency.'

"I know your dad's a hedge fund manager, Amber, but you don't need a bigger piece of paper to draw a picture of your house."

'Of course, in the long term we're all extinct.'

"Want to trade banks with me?"

Overdraft limit.

"And this financial plan is specifically designed for people who know their retirement -- IF they get one -- won't be half as good as their parents' retirement, and are really steamed about it!"

'I follow my dad's stocks so I know when to ask for an allowance increase.'

'...and help my parents to pick the right mutual funds in my portfolio for my education...'

'I guess you could say we're a 'faith-based' company. Everyone worships the dollar around here.'

"Good God! Has the dollar fallen that far?"

'We're going to take a financial risk.'

'We're in good shape. Nobody understands our financial statement.'

'He's so spoilt, he has his pocket money paid into a Swiss bank account.'

Climate Crisis and the Banks