Futility Ponderer Gifts

"Nihilistic customer service"

"Damnit—Every game ends in stalemate."

'... And some primitive cultures, believed that 'the great ones' modelled us from clay.'

'Things have really livened up down there since You introduced SEXUAL reproduction.'

The Philosopher Pine, or, The Eternal Optimist.

"Have you been playing dice?"

'I don't remember predetermining THAT!'

"Intelligent design...well, duh!"

'Oh, so now the ocean isn't GOOD enough for you?'

Sauce for the Goose

Freudian Bar & Grill...Jungian Pub: 'We can out drink those Freudians ant day of the week!...'And twice on Sunday!' ...'Yeah!' ... e

"Your assumption that a one in a million chance event MUST be a miracle shows you drastically underestimate the total number of regularly occurring events."

"When we're home, are we still aliens?"

Extreme Sisyphus

'Half an optimist is an odd bird, Sarah.'

"No, I don't want to live forever, but I damn sure don't want to be dead forever, either."

'Gosh, I dunno. You sure it's organic?'

Totalitarian Humour

'I hate to tell you this, but enlightenment just isn't for commuters.'

'Look at it another way. Happiness can't buy you money!'

Afraid of change - leave it here.

The probability of an event occurring is inversely proportional to its desirability.

"You beat me by two...but with your penalties I beat you by 150!"

'Why am I the one always getting kicked?'

"A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single malt."

"It all started when I read somewhere that happiness is an inside job. Naturally, I assumed some breaking and entering was involved."

'...and that is my philosophy.'

"I think it's wrong to hunt them when they're in a house of worship."

"And the meaning of life is.... oh rats, the battery died."

'If you're omnipresent, why do I always have to climb way up here?'

If a dog barks in the forest, and no one hears him, does he make a sound?

"Ok, so I go back and forth… Then what?"

Ivan Turgenev