Furniture Store Employee Pillows

'Perhaps you'd like to try something a little firmer, madam?'

'It's also a printer, scanner, phone and fax machine.'

Mattress salesmen are creepy. Especially the ones that lie down on the bed with you.

"It might be this Christmas, it might be next."

"I really like this one – but I'm afraid of getting hurt again."

'No sir. It wasn't a recliner until you sat in it!'

"We've decided to give you a bonus, Rick. It's any change you find under the cushions."

'In the interest of saving time, do you have any pre-shredded ones?'

'I've just sold a settee for £400 and I don't even work here!'

'Sorry Mr Pendragon. The only round table we have within your budget is this coffee table.'

Bed salesman with bedside manner.

"I'll tell you what - you buy the sofa and the lounge chair, and I'll throw in our department manager for free!"

"It's also a flat-bed scanner."

'I don't care if you did say he could try it out. Get rid of him!'

"Hi, I want to refurnish my office!"

Ikeasaurus

'This one's good if you like to toss and turn all night.'

'I'd like to match this credenza.'

'We have a P-O-P display for our new perfume. Can we move the beef jerky down a smidge?'

"Attention, everyone! I'd like to introduce the newest member of our family."

'Make up your mind, folks... King size or Queen size?'

'This was designed for people who have mastered easy chairs and want to attempt something more difficult.'

"Pretty cushy, am I right?"

"Well, do you want to buy this sofa or not? You've been on it for three days!"

"Do you have anything by The Damned."

'Oh, honey, what a lovely house... We'll place the couch here, the cupboard there and my psychiatrist right here!'

'This one's got a mahogany finish, easy to assemble and comes with a magical kingdom as standard.'

Naked Furniture

'Darling...I'm afraid the sofa salesmen got the better of me.'

'I hate to let you go, Walker, but these Ottoman prices have really come down.'

"I've been researching a little furniture company that I'd like to rearrange."

"If you haven't got a TV, what do you point your furniture at?"

Furniture. I don't care what style. I just want a couch that matches her fur.

'Now THAT'S what I call a love seat!'

Children line up to talk to Santa