Furniture Store Salesperson Pillows

'Make up your mind, folks... King size or Queen size?'

"Folds out to a bed and breakfast."

'This one's good if you like to toss and turn all night.'

'I'd like to match this credenza.'

"Attention, everyone! I'd like to introduce the newest member of our family."

'This was designed for people who have mastered easy chairs and want to attempt something more difficult.'

"Pretty cushy, am I right?"

"Well, do you want to buy this sofa or not? You've been on it for three days!"

"It's been unanimously decided that we don't like this table. Could you show us another model?"

"I really like this one – but I'm afraid of getting hurt again."

"We've decided to give you a bonus, Rick. It's any change you find under the cushions."

'Oh, honey, what a lovely house... We'll place the couch here, the cupboard there and my psychiatrist right here!'

"It's also a flat-bed scanner."

Naked Furniture

'This one's got a mahogany finish, easy to assemble and comes with a magical kingdom as standard.'

'Darling...I'm afraid the sofa salesmen got the better of me.'

"How about moving in a little closer?"

'I hate to let you go, Walker, but these Ottoman prices have really come down.'

'Now THAT'S what I call a love seat!'

"I've been researching a little furniture company that I'd like to rearrange."

"Hillary Clinton is polling well here. Sales off pants suits are up."

'OVERSLEPT? All four thousand of them???'

"If you haven't got a TV, what do you point your furniture at?"

Furniture. I don't care what style. I just want a couch that matches her fur.

"You said to pack only the essentials, and this couch is essential for my afternoon naps."

'Perhaps you'd like to try something a little firmer, madam?'

Your friend, Ernie, is an impressive, multi-talented guy! He's been a actor in the theater, in archeologist, and now he's a diplomat! He hasn't been any of those things. He used to install doors. Oh, he told me he was "applauded for his entrances." And he was an inspector, book for expired yogurt, at the dairy warehouse. He said he "searcher for ancient cultures." Now he sells mattresses. You think he's a diplomat? Yeah, he told me he's "devoted to eliminating unrest in the world"

Ikeasaurus

"I like it – I'm just not sure it's what I want to rot on."

'Now, that's what I call a deathbed!'

Cat Sharpens Claws in Preparation of the New Sofa.

"Sir, you said that it's high time to fix the problem, so I rearranged the furniture, watered the flowers and made fresh coffee. If that wasn't enough then maybe we should find some problems that fit our solutions."

"The Firminator. One inch of foam over cement blocks."

Mattress salesmen are creepy. Especially the ones that lie down on the bed with you.

Working hard to maintain customer relations