Furniture Store Sales Associate Pillows

'I'm looking for a coffee table to match this book.'

'That's it then - I'll take the slinky high-heeled cocktail number in a 5 and the everyday workshoe in a 7...'

Men find this shampoo irresistible. It's called 'Gee, Your Hair Smells Like A New Car'.

Sale on the same stuff as last week.

Handbag store - "Perfect."

Cut Price

"I want something that will make Richard Burton sit up and take notice."

'This one's good if you like to toss and turn all night.'

'Sorry sir,but we can't just take your word that the boots leak'

'Rozlyn, that blouse is very cute! I think you should get it.'

'I'd like to match this credenza.'

"Not much in the way of loot, but we got a ton of store credit."

"Attention, everyone! I'd like to introduce the newest member of our family."

'Make up your mind, folks... King size or Queen size?'

'These are called, 'Diet Pants.' They'll never fit, but you'll burn 250 calories trying to get into them.'

'This was designed for people who have mastered easy chairs and want to attempt something more difficult.'

"Well, do you want to buy this sofa or not? You've been on it for three days!"

"It's been unanimously decided that we don't like this table. Could you show us another model?"

"I really like this one – but I'm afraid of getting hurt again."

'Oh, honey, what a lovely house... We'll place the couch here, the cupboard there and my psychiatrist right here!'

"It's also a flat-bed scanner."

"We've decided to give you a bonus, Rick. It's any change you find under the cushions."

"More concealer?"

'I applied the instant rebate and the returning customer loyalty reward, so that comes to fifty cents.'

Naked Furniture

Black Friday

"They put nipples on the mannequins so you'll look at the stupid sweaters. Duh!"

'This one's got a mahogany finish, easy to assemble and comes with a magical kingdom as standard.'

'Darling...I'm afraid the sofa salesmen got the better of me.'

Your call is important to us...

Man with self-assembly wardrobe and lots of random pieces: 'Funny how there always seems to be a few bits left over.'

"I'm looking for something that the recipient will be too embarrassed to regift."

'I hate to let you go, Walker, but these Ottoman prices have really come down.'

Buy 1 Get 1 Free. Buy 2 You're Stupid.