Furniture Nibbler Gifts

'Jenkins, you could be a great salesman if only you'd stop barking at customers and nibbling the furniture.'

"It looks like our house got sick and threw up the attic."

The Classy Dog: 'Dine & dance hotdogs: '50 cents a dance'.

"Do you remember when we used to put FOOD in food?"

It's beginning to smell a lot like Christmas

"Oh No!!!...Cap'n...Iceberg...Dead ahead!!"

"The most obvious side-effect of having a chip implanted in my brain is a constant craving for onion dip."

"Sorry, sweetie, but I have the conference room booked for the next hour."

"Welcome to the Short Staffed Cafe serving food like your grandma cooked. Is your grandma busy? We really need a cook."

Man about dog relaxing in chair: 'He's a full-blooded recliner.'

'Crumbs! I'm holding out for the whole loaf.'

"Since he retired, he hasn't quite figured out what to do with himself!"

'He calls himself a philanthropist, but would prefer Lord Philanthropist.'

My boat

The Perils of Reading Ghost Stories Before Bed.

A vampire lays in his coffin and he has put his vampire dentures in a glass beside the coffin.

"How much for the couch without the potato?"

"I envy you. I'd love to have a house with a fireplace."

"When I was a child I spoke as a child... but when I became a man I put away childish things... except for my Cocoa Puffs... I still love Cocoa Puffs."

'I don't care if it has lettuce, tomato, special sauce on a sesame bun...it's still liver!'

Foodie Bank

"To bat that stupid rolled-up sock around all morning or not to bat the stupid sock around, that is the question."

'Second childhood menu, please!'

'Well, it might be hard to believe now, but in my youth, I was the fastest animal on land...'

Ditching Masks as Lockdown Eases

"He says he's three months late because of Readers' Block!"

Man eating 'after work mints'

"Who called who never calls" "What's in the freezer? It's half a loaf of rye bread" "Fun quiz! When are you getting married? Page 12." "Top ten pieces of furniture to wrap in plastic"

'She went down 80 years ago, and there's still a line to get to the wine bar.'

If you give a mouse a French cookie

"I miss indoor dining"

"It's okay, It's a shhhushhh...kebab"

Second hand furniture,second hand homes.

Book Burp

Pale Watery