Fur Baby Parents Pillows

Rusty starts to have very violent thoughts toward his tail.

'That's right...he'll lick you to death.'

"No no, I said sit!!"

'I see! And, just how much will it cost if she is in season?'

"I think she's figured out what W-A-L-K means."

"Why, you little Shih Tzu."

"I have your gender reveal results. Boy, girl, boy, boy, girl, girl, boy, girl, boy, boy..."

'I know he doesn't like this house, but he'll just have to get used to it.'

'Oh, really?... I'm actually more of a dog person.'

'Yes I know I'm intelligent and famous, but I'd trade it all for a good old belly scratching.'

"Just gotta wait 'till she wakes up."

Babies vs. Dogs

"Look, children are just pathetic substitutes for people who can't have pets."

"Here's the baby's first birthday, her second, her third, look at her gifts..."

'Who had the ocean whitefish and tua paté?'

"...do they teach manners at obedience school?"

Walking the dog - 'surprise'!

'A bone is a bone is a bone...'

Fur Baby

"I'm not his best friend. But he is in my extended network."

'We've tried everything else without success and have now made the decision to adopt.'

"Your motivation is that you're a dog and it's food."

"Back when we got him, Rufus was a child substitute. Now he's just a dog."

Cat Zoom Meeting

Upper East Side Dog Park

"Helen, Don, you're probably wondering why I called you here today. I'm afraid the answer is achingly simple: I can't get down."

"Stop asking me. I don't know who's a good boy."

When is he coming home buddy?

'I do not pamper the dog, now get out of his chair!'

Cat and owner sticking out tongues at each other.

"Congratulations. It's a litter."

'I heard him mention your name, what does neutered, mean?'

"In obedience school, I was voted 'Most likely to chew a slipper'."