Fur Baby Guardian Gifts

"We're still working out joint custody."

'I had no idea there were so many types of dog treats.'

"If I knew I'd have to walk them for an eternity... I never would have owned so many goddamn dogs!"

Man with a pet dog reasures a woman with a pet cat

'Hey you! Yeah, you! Who invited you?'

'I think he remembers you, Doctor.'

'I've never seen a healthier kitten. Cuter, most definitely, but never healthier.'

"I should've known if we told him we were going to have him declawed he'd go out with a bang."

"I think the cat wants to come in. . ."

"The dog park would be perfect if it weren't for all the people hanging about."

"I think she's figured out what W-A-L-K means."

'Oh, really?... I'm actually more of a dog person.'

Rusty starts to have very violent thoughts toward his tail.

Bathing the dog

'Nothing impacts my lifestyle choices more than a veterinarian with a scale.'

'Yes I know I'm intelligent and famous, but I'd trade it all for a good old belly scratching.'

Fleas Navidad.

"...do they teach manners at obedience school?"

"I'm not his best friend. But he is in my extended network."

"Back when we got him, Rufus was a child substitute. Now he's just a dog."

Cat Zoom Meeting

'That's right...he'll lick you to death.'

"Helen, Don, you're probably wondering why I called you here today. I'm afraid the answer is achingly simple: I can't get down."

'I'll bet you taught him that!'

'Oh there you are...you naughty girl! What have you been up to this time?'

"Well, it looks like you found Rexy's sweet spot!"

'We've GOT to get the bullet out,,,'

'She feeds me, walks me, washes me, and picks up after me...yet...I'm supposed to be man's best friend?'

"Pampered?"

'Trouble is, he rubbed my nose in it'

'I remember, Fido, winning isn't the only thing...there are also stud fees.'

She'd decided to apply for a species change...

Cat to owner: 'Define 'affection'.'

Dog Chow Mein

Pet Owners' Date Night