Funny Messenger Lover Pillows

'I am from Screaming Telegram.'

"Go ahead. Press one for more options."

"What's going on Jen? Why didn't you respond to my kissing emoji?"

"My dad can't talk yet, but he's learned to wave bye-bye."

"Go on, say it again, 'I love you' in Armadillo."

By teaching the parrot a few key phrases, Marilyn no longer needs to nag her kids.

'Of course, this social contract will have to remain hypothical until someone invents writing.'

Give way - 'Oh, alright then...'

Macho man body building club.

Will Work for Food: By 'work' I mean do nothing. . . by 'food' I mean cash.

'I'm dropping you a lion.'

Have a nice day, if you are already having a nice day please disregard this notice. (reading letter at mailbox)

'This is Kevin O'Shea, my big sister's answering service.'

In 5 Years...

'There's a lot of bugs in these parts, so I suggest you wear your helmet from here on out.'

Valentines

'Oh, yeah?...Well, no one has to follow me around with a pooper-scooper.'

"Instead of careful interpretation of the prose, maybe try pronouncing even the most basic words like an insane person?"

Mysteries of the ocean...

Especially for YOU! - Free Valentine hugs.

I think I have too many apps.

'This is Jake. I'm not in now, so please leave a message...HELLO! HELLO! This is Jake! Ha! Ha! Ha! I'm just mesin' with you! I'm still NOT in!'

Stamps - 'I'll always stick with you.' 'me too...like glue.'

Pirate Mail.

"It's for you."

'I don't haven to remind you again, do I?'

"I'm gonna make this short and to the point."

"Anything wrong, sweetie pie? You've been ignoring the tip jar lately."

'Gail, my dear, please don't talk about sex - my God this is a restaurant!'

'Don't worry, I'll make sure she sees it!'

Massage? Phone Suzy written on hand towel

Even Cupid has His Limits...

Learn from your mistakes...this is the last time I let you talk me into a double date.

Christmas Party Pick-up Lines.

Emoticon Prison.