Funny Menus Gifts

"The Halloween Special is the pork and kraut. It'll come back and haunt you."

Kitchen Kapers

Party time.

Frank & Ernie's Diner. Today: Yogurt Surprise. We call it "yogurt surprise" because we couldn't read the expiration date on the carton.

'It's the essence of springtime. You're really enjoying it.'

"We have; pulled pork, enticed chicken, persuaded lamb, bullied beef, cajoled Turkey..."

"Well I wouldn't eat it, but don't let that put you off."

'How is the water prepared?'

"Tell me what you think of the menu. I wrote it."

Newark by Night. A new Dutch restaurant just opened. What do you know about Dutch cuisine? Nothing. But I'm a big fan of the "Dutch Treat" concept.

"The secret of my success is combining eggs, meat and bread in enough ways to make an eight page breakfast menu."

"For dessert, absolutely no flambé!"

"We suggest you study the menu in our reading room before being seated in the dining room."

'We're at an Italian restaurant this time, Kevin -- those are breadsticks, not giant-size chopsticks.'

"I'm a strict vegan with dietary limitations due to specific food allergies. What should I get?" "A taxi."

"How do you prepare the chicken?"

'Today's entrees are the Breast with Thyme, and the Wurst with Thyme.'

"Do you have something for somebody with no palette, no taste and no money?"

Arabic Thief Salad - lashings of whipped cream...

All you can eat chicken $3.95: "Cooked is 20 dollars extra."

'Carb or non-carb section?'

"Chicken on a bend of spinach and onions?"

"I'll have the crescent-crab 'purses' and the smoked duck 'hash' – hold the quotation marks."

Punkcakes

'No, there isn't any shrimp in the 'Shrimp Surprise' -- It's just called that because it's not all that surprising.'

"I always find the Contract Attorney's Special amusing. The price is always in extremely fine print."

"Hey Maurice! Take the menu, replace 'dish of the day' with 'local free range speciality' and double the price!"

'You ordered the stuffed sea bass, didn't you?'

'You still have breakfast and lunch on your dinner menu.'

Menu From The Luxury Home of Pancakes

"Yes, I can certainly recommend the lamb - everything else has gone."

Le Bolshie Chef.

Today's special - Ox tail soup.

"The chef informs me that, while the salmon is farm raised, the garnish is indeed feral."

"Can the chef prepare it in some way no one has ever prepared anything before?"