Funny Business Names Gifts

New white van man.

"The good news is you’re the only one we’re not firing ... the bad news is you’re the only one to run the department."

"This position has become very important to the company."

"I'm afraid 'It's a surprise', doesn't cut it as a growth strategy."

"Peter's Joint Head of Communications."

Spot the difference.

"I keep feeling we should float the company"

"If we can just get beyond this 'I'm the boss' mentality and concentrate on a simple 'What I say goes' outlook, I think this will all work out."

Sign - Halt manager crossing

"Hold my calls, Kimberly. I'm with a ball of string."

"So then the VP of Sales looks right at me and says 'Larry, what's going on? We don't have any traction in the market.' Like it's MY fault!"

"No training period, but you can purchase my instructional video on line for $49.95."

"I hate performance review season."

'We haven't improved quality, but we've made it easier to return.'

'Our problem is how to lower quality while raising prices...'

Buisnessman Of The Hour - I'd like to introduce our guest but he is 45 minutes late

'We will not kick the can down the road... Does anyone know how to use a can opener?'

"It lost a little something in translation."

"How can you have a meteoric rise to the top in a one-story building?"

'I delegate, then I follow up.'

'Does it bother anyone else that our entire business is based on one questionable product?'

'He bowed lower for me than for you.'

Executive golf with Newton's cradle

"That's a very difficult problem to address, Ted, could you restate it as a solution?"

'Now, if you would all put on your glasses, we'll get a glimpse of our profits in 3D.'

"Our Big Hairy Audacious Goal is balding."

'Henderson makes money the old fashioned way - White collar crime.'

"I thought it would be appropriate to have a band playing as we went down."

'Productivity is up. Lay off a couple of more employees.'

"I know we're not lions, but let's call ourselves a pride anyway."

I like you and I like your company!

Re-Tooling Costs - "Could you be a little more precise than umpteen million?"

'Here you are, Simmons!'

"The jury didn't buy my defense that CEOs just want to have fun."

"My assistant will show you the ropes."