Funny Brother Gifts

'I'm all about quantity.'

'Please tell me you're baby sitting?'

"It's a letter from the Vatican. They say that whilst walking the streets without stepping into dog poo is nearly as miraculous as walking on water, it's not sufficient to canonize me!"

"We're just going to have to face the fact that you're not a puppy anymore!"

"I want to dispel the rumor that this redistricting map was drawn by my toddler on an Etch-A-Sketch. . .I'd never met that toddler before."

You're dead to me, Marsha. And that's just the way I like it."

'Maybe the batteries are dead.'

A Punch and Judy Professor is visited by Death as a puppet.

'Number two. That's the art that offended me.'

PET THEORIES

"And for dessert, I'd like the mice pudding."

At the mobile tracking test lab.

'My god! Have you seen the size of this chiropodist's bill?!!'

Bathroom Fairy

'@#$=%!} paparazzi!'

How witness protection really works...

'Honey, the neighbors have persuaded me to stop coming out into the hallway every morning to play 'reveille'!'

Stan Mack's Real Life Funnies: The David Letterman Show Goes to the Dogs, Cats, Birds, Guinea Pigs...

Help!I am being forced to eat vegetables

'Say... I just had no idea the red haired freckled dutchmen were so good with kids!'

No caption. (The Mona Lisa is depicted wearing a smiley face button.)

'Dog Show' 'Worst breath winner'

C'mon boy, speak! Speak!

'Great! You mean it's obedience school prom season already!'

"Not me, brother - you wake him!"

"Every five minutes it's 'feed me this, get me that' or something along those lines, I mean, I'm parrot-phrasing."

How Am I Driving?

To hat and hat not.

Santa Claus walks dogs

'If you haven't been taking your vitamins. What have you been doing with them?'

Fido phones

Little known fact #244: Cholera was not the #1 cause of death for children on the Oregon Trail

'No, she can not come out to play again.'

The Wellington Statue.

Um, General Hannibal, a word if I may...