Fungus Forager Gifts

'Do I really have to remind you again about which one of us earns the truffles, Jean-Claude?'

True Story: Each year strangers stop to pick mushrooms that grow at the front of our house. They assure us they aren't poisonous - but never return.

Always empty your fridge before starting a diet.

"I read somewhere that truffles are a gateway fungus."

"Dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, onion bagel with Nutella and cream cheese, dirt, dirt, dirt..."

The discovery of asparagus.

'I've no time for these foragers - they come into the area and snap up all the best houses...'

Baby squirrel & Berries

An experimentalist alarms his guests by describing the appearance of the mushrooms in a dish they have just eaten.

"Never mind the porridge, someone's stolen my woodland mushroom collection."

'Ah, now's there's something different....'

" 'Unlimited salad bar' sounded better on the menu."

"I think the milk's off!"

It's kind of a cross between hunting and gathering --- I calling it "taxing."

"You know, turning a hobby into a job kinda takes all the fun out of it."

'Thank you for noticing, Shirley - but beauty comes at a price, It hampers my hunting, limits my berry picking and typing's a real pain,'

"No, I'm not a hare, I just happen to have big ears..."

"You might call it shoplifting officer, but I prefer to think of it as foraging."

"I'd say it's a fungal infection."

The mushroom pickers

Black Truffles!

A windfall pear falling straight into a bag of windfall pears.

'Honey, do we have a problem with mold in our house?'

'Never go berry pickin' on an empty stomach.'

"I was going to go to the other slop trough, but the music's always too loud."

It's a big ask.

'I'd always been told they found the truffles by smell.'

'Hank, I know you're new at turkey hunting, but that isn't the way you call turkeys.'

'Don't think its a coincidence that the chocolate is in the back and the fruits are in the front.'

'Try looking on the bright side - they could save you a trip to the supermarket.'

Morel of the story

"Don't be late - I'm making moldy meat and orange peels over coffee grinds with a side of egg shells."

'Are these mushrooms or toadstools? And why are you holding the stomach pump?'

Dieter sees 'Enter at own risk' sign on refrigerator

The search for cranberries...