Funeral Service Appreciator Pillows

'I'm really worried about his soul. One of my handbaskets is missing.'

"And exactly how is the peanut-butter-and-jelly prepared?"

"It's badly sprained, McElroy, and you know as well as I do that I'd only slow you down. Go on without me—and that's a direct order!"

"Hope you don't mind—it was his last request."

Cut out and keep your own Room Service.

"Could you spare a few minutes to give some feedback on your death experience?"

'She was always very proud of her figure.'

"We will now observe a moment of silently checking our BlackBerrys."

'I told you that something was wrong with your cousin Wilbur.'

Maradona memorial.

An awkward moment during the coronation...

'He had bad breath, but I suppose that was better than no breath at all.'

Snake funerals.

Gravedigger

At Salvador Dali's funeral,

'- and how does the graveyard shift appeal to you?'

"This is our basic flush but I think your loved one would appreciate a more substantial flush."

'While we didn't see Bill Brewster here in his lifetime, it's good to see him here in death. Uh, let me rephrase that.'

'Benny wanted a closed casket service...but, since you traveled so far to be here...I can give you a quick peek for ten dollars.'

'This restaurant is great They always keep my water glass full,'

"We were out of embalming fluid so we stuffed your wife with wild rice."

"We gather here today in memory of Chuckles, Kornflake, Doodles, Yo-Yo, Cupcake...."

In memory of the memorial that stood here.

Bismarck's Death

"Yes, it's my husband Ron, it was cheaper to get him stuffed than buried."

'He would have wanted it this way, Molly.'

"He had himself pierced once too often."

Undertakers Pole

'Yeah, I've been lucky. My business is pretty darned recession-proof.'

"Some people he knew wanted closure."

"Wrong line, buddy."

"Morning, Father. I'm the funeral director."

Mobile Crem

Joe Splitz - Acrobat.

Bone shaped biscuits - rejects go in a coffin.