Funeral Aficionado Pillows

'Never cared what anyone thought - until the very end.'

"Some people he knew wanted closure."

Mobile Crem

'I told you that something was wrong with your cousin Wilbur.'

'Yes, death signifies a cosmic change of address. Alas, your husband's mail will not be forwarded.'

"Could you spare a few minutes to give some feedback on your death experience?"

"Dearly beloved - We gather today to honor the life of the greatest magician of our time."

I told myself I wasn't going to cry at his funeral

"His last wish was that we delete his browsing history."

"You fool! This isn't embalming fluid, this is my coffee."

Crash Test Dummy Funerals.

"Trust me - he's going to a better place."

'You're sure that's one of the stages of grief?'

'This sucks. Let's try and start the wave.'

The four hearsemen with the Alpaca lips.

Gravedigger

The final stage of Terminal Political Correctness.

Sorry You Were Out - Will Call Again.

At Salvador Dali's funeral,

'While we didn't see Bill Brewster here in his lifetime, it's good to see him here in death. Uh, let me rephrase that.'

'Benny wanted a closed casket service...but, since you traveled so far to be here...I can give you a quick peek for ten dollars.'

"Is he gonna read the ENTIRE Book of Psalms!?! C'Mon!!!"

'- and how does the graveyard shift appeal to you?'

Dead Batteries

"Never lend money to anyone over 90."

'I know he didn't pay his bills, but let's get the lien off the coffin.'

'First, let me emphasize that the open casket was his idea.'

"We also have urns, if you want to think outside the box."

Are you sure this is what your husband meant when he said he wanted a quiet send-off?

'He would have wanted it this way, Molly.'

"Sir, did the piano die?"

Chinese Funerals.

Undertakers Pole

'Some people couldn't make it today, but they've sent a few tweets...'

"Yes, it's my husband Ron, it was cheaper to get him stuffed than buried."