Funeral Rituals Pillows

I imagine at your age, you attend a lot of funerals, Sadie. Oh, yes, they're quite lovely. As a child, I attended birthday parties. As a lass, I attended sweet sixteens. As a young adult, I attended weddings. As a mature woman, I attended retirement parties. Now, in the twilight of life, I attend funerals. "Deathday" parties, if you will. And it's beautiful. Because it's all come full circle? Because for once, I don't have to buy the %$&*@ a gift.

'He looks so natural, I almost expect him to belch!'

"In hindsight, we shouldn't have had him cremated."

"All we have left is standing room only."

He looks so natural lying there...

'He loved that dog.'

"We are gathered here to morn the passing of Bob Opossum."

'He was a great writer'

"It is now that moment when a close family member tries to speak of the deceased without choking up."

"David live a rich, full life, despite what his Wikipedia page says."

'What - no internet? No USB ports? No socket for the coffee machine? No phone? Are you crazy? My husband was a very important CEO!'

"He was furiously reading the Bible before he died." "Looking for loopholes."

"Promise me that if I die first you won't eat me."

It is believed dear Jack finally figured out women. Trouble is, he died laughing before he could tell anybody.

"I guess laughter wasn’t the best medicine."

Life after death

"Personally, I of course loved Uncle Clarence, but Mr. Quibbles wants to say a few things."

Amy Winehouse, up in Rock N' Roll heaven.

Life and Death

'Yes, death signifies a cosmic change of address. Alas, your husband's mail will not be forwarded.'

'He was hosting a business dinner for 300. Those were his last words.'

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A man in a little rowboat goes to his grave.

'At least they did a good job on him.'

Norman Wisdom at the Pearly Gates

2pm meet your Creator

'He's a conspiracy theorist - he refuses to believe that Great Aunt Mildred is really dead.'

Heavenly Gazette This Heavenly Gazette is awfully thin. There doesn't seem to be a financial section Because you can't take it with you. There's no weather forecast. It's perfect every day. I don't see any sports scores. Everybody's a winner up here. And there are no political reports. Of course not in paradise we don't hear anything about politics!

"I feel terrible admitting this, but I'm sort of glad he's dead. One less thing to keep track of."

'He never listened to his mother!'

'Harry! - If you can hear me - what did you do with the remote!?'

Cricketer's funeral

Ventriloquist Grave

'There's a little bit of my late husband in every glass - I used his ashes as a fining agent.'

St Peter: 'The bike can stay. You, on the other hand, aren't on the list.'