Funeral Pillows

"He looks so natural."

"Grief takes many forms. But don't worry, we're here to help you fill them out."

"I'm not climbing down there to fetch your teeth. Serves you right for spitting."

"The doctors never gave up."

"One more - Billy wasn't crying."

A man gets through the pearly gates with an E-Z Pass.

'I wanted a burial service, he wanted cremation, so I decided to compromise and have him clambaked.'

'He was a great writer'

"We will now observe a moment of silently checking our BlackBerrys."

"Says here he leaves behind a wife, two children, and forty-seven Twitter followers."

"There's been a huge outpouring of emoticons."

"Ready? It's your bloopers tape."

"His last request was that we close the casket before you begin."

"Harry insisted on doing everything himself."

'You're sure that's one of the stages of grief?'

"We never say 'death'—we prefer 'deadness.' "

'You should've called me sooner. I need a kidney transplant.'

'It was his last request. He was a track star in college.'

'I still can't believe he's not snoring.'

"That's the fourth husband she's put in the ground without any concern for what it's doing to the environment."

'Well, my Cecil always loved to think 'out-the-box'.'

Man Crosses Finish Line At Heaven's Pearly Gates

"I don't want to talk about it."

'I inherited therefore I am'

Losing a loved one is never easy. The trick is to make it look easy.

"Tragic really, he died because no one knew his blood type....but I'll never forget his last inspirational words to me....be positive!"

St Peter: 'The bike can stay. You, on the other hand, aren't on the list.'

"I see he finally got rid of that idiotic comb-over."

'We're going to start without him.'

He never could fit in.

"Most of all, he'll be remembered for his irrepressible spirit."

"Well, finally! Gracefully aging no more."

'As we all know your deceased Anna Clara was a devoted cat lover...'

Peace Negotiator now available for Weddings, Funerals, Christenings, Barmitzvah

"A personal injury lawyer whose will stated he wanted one last chase."