Fun Saboteur Gifts

"We always take one piece out."

Clown on bike.

"I say it's Kale, and I say it's spinaches shitfaced uncle."

'The vegetables sat in the crisper for hours...days...a whole week. Then suddenly, the drawer opened. A hand reached in, grabbed the kale, and all you could hear was the sound of...A Garbage disposal.'

"I never saw 'Cheers,' so I won't miss 'Cheers.'"

Woman leaves a stick of dynamite on her weighing scales and runs away

'I see you're hacking the fridge again.'

'I've decided to get serious about losing weight. I moved the refrigerator out of my bedroom.'

Party games.

'LIAR!'

"I just can't seem to get into the spirit of the thing."

"Putting a steak, chicken wings and potato chips on a salad kind of negates the eating healthy concept."

"Joseph's jealous brother adds bleach to the coat of many colors wash."

Dietitian: Weighting Room.

"How's the diet going?"

'We find it helps to lighten the mood.'

'I've decided to help you diet. I had invisible fencing installed around the refrigerator.'

'Still at a plateau, Mrs Johnson?'

"Funny, hysterical, outrageous"

'I'd like you to go work for our competition. It's the only way I know to bring them to their knees.'

Curate tells two miners that he hopes to see them on Sunday. They reply that he is welcome to come fighting with them if he likes.

'You mailed my wife a pre-approved credit card, so now I have to kill you.'

'...and this develops their sense of aggression and ability to smash things.'

Fridge with sign - 'Contents may not be suitable for those with weight problems'.

Destroying Music Speakers.

Dangerous dinghy...

"Now that I work remotely, I don't do anything that remotely resembles work."

'Before you open the basket, play this horn.'

"And here we go folks! He's got to remove that first slice of pie all in one piece."

You look like the cat who ate the canary. Actually, I'm the wolverine who ate your leftover prosciutto hoagie.

'He forgot to fix his divots, he plays too slow and he left a beer can on the course. He knew this was a tough country club when he joined.'

"I became a vegetarian just to annoy people."

Slimming Club: Sweets Detector.

Even Bob's deathbed confession was lame.

"You kids need to be more productive, so I decided to cut the cable."