Fun-loving Academics Gifts

"Gentlemen - raise your glasses'

Stan Mack's Real Life Funnies: The Science of Love

Scarcity

"It started with a simple case of peer-review."

'The doctor says he's going to have to give you a few more tests...'

Admissions test for the Danbury Institute of Philosophy

Personnel. I've heard of "magna cum laude" and "summa cum laude," but I've never heard of a person graduating "persona non grata." (Published originally on June 3, 1981.)

"Graduation day at kite flying school."

Max Weber

"I wanted to deliver a message of hope and tolerance in a complex global society but I decided to update them on the Kardashians instead."

Well, wish me luck. Mom and dad can handle an 'A' and two 'B's, but I've REAL-L-L-L-Y got to spin the 'D' in math!

"Dad, the dean has gone over your financial statement, and he doesn't think you're working up to your full potential."

'After being here for more than forty years - as undergraduate, graduate student instructor, professor - what saddens me most is that this was not the college of my choice.'

"Millstone is not yet a full professor."

"Professor Williams had at first been reluctant to join the Assistant Deans in their Think Great Thoughts aerobics. He later came to enjoy the activity."

Psychology Dept. Faculty Evaluations Today. I can't tell if it's my id or my ego, but I'm really craving a promotion.

'Medea' Studies

"As a summation of our work it's pretty accurate...apart from the beginning, middle and end of all the words in between!"

'If it makes you feel any better, I gave the kid you copied from the same grade.'

Cambridge Dons Researching Gravity.

"Your research is impressive, but you have too many original ideas to be credible..."

'That's it?'

Emile Durkheim

"In conclusion, I hope you all make plenty of money to donate to your alma mater."

"Why do I always get stuck with being the guardian angel to someone who can't seem to finish his Ph.D.?"

'I'm sorry, Professor Johnson is not picking up. I can put you through to the equally eccentric Professor Williams if you would like?'

"These days, professor it's "T.V. punditry or perish.""

'What did you put down for the definition of plagiarism?'

"I'm honored to share my research at your virtual academic conference."

'My teacher doesn't give numerical or letter grades. She gives emoticons.'

"School is loverly this time of year."

'You need to get your grades up...because good grades are an early sign of good credit scores.'

When geographers and geometrists hang out.

"You'd think a Humanities professor would be more lenient in her grading."

'First, you have to get their attention.'