Frustrated Job Hunter Pillows

'Make your wishes, but I can't promise anything regarding jobs.'

"It raises trust issues, Mr. Kranse, when your very first question is 'what's the catch?'."

'Incidentally, our health insurance has limited eye coverage.'

'I don't know how much more of this I can take!'

Sick

"We were looking for somebody with experience in mumbo-jumbo but your resume is mainly about gobbledegook."

"What sets you apart from other candidates?"

"Can I put in a claim for interview trauma compensation?"

'...we are looking for someone with great interpersonal communication skills.'

"We do price loyalty, but we were also rather hoping for a candidate who could read right and walk on two legs."

"'Can correctly complete a CAPTCHA image 8 our of 10 times.' Any other skills?"

'So far, so good -- I got a second interview!'

'Ambitious? You sit there admitting you're a troublemaker!'

'Do you have any other references besides your mom and Santa Claus?'

'Thank you for calling Tech Support. Your computer is one month old. We no longer support that model. Good day.'

"You cleaned out your desk so efficiently you've been rehired and placed in charge of Housekeeping."

"Get another job? I can't! My breed can only be faithful to one master in a lifetime!"

"Naps. Do you have anything in naps?"

Careers Advice

Can You Dance?

"This job involves travel? Let me call my parole officer and OK it with him."

'I love your 'never-say-never' attitude, but we never hired you.'

What sort of job are you after?

'I remember you. Were you laid off from this company last month?'

'I didn't bring a resume.. I brought coffee and donuts!'

"Yours is a most impressive résumé, and you've scented it with beef."

Employment Resume Service. You might want to reconsider saying that you were president of your senior class three years in a row.

Rejection.com

'It says here on your application that you were fired from your receptionist position for refusing to answer phones...well, thanks for applying! Bye now!'

Career Opportunities of the Future

"I'm not supposed to say anything, but you really aced this round of the interview process."

A sign you're not applying at a fortune 500 company...

'I'm afraid we can't hire you because of your salary requirements. You require one.'

"Does it look like I am actively seeking work?"

"I see you did a swashbuckling internship with Blackbeard. Impressive."