Frustrated Fixers Gifts

"You know that's a waste of time, just chuck it on the fire to keep us warm."

Abandoning the computer for a typewriter.

"Tech-support has confirmed it. Screaming and hitting the computer won't solve the problem. You'll have to try something else."

A man repeatedly pulls the start cord on his lawn mower until it falls apart.

Timber preservation

His verbal skills are developing, but his motor skills are very advanced. (Originally published on 2009-02-01).

Forgot your locker combination? Let Sammy the weasel pick it open for you!

'Certainly. Here's the break-down. Seventy-five dollars for my labour. And seventy-five dollars for you impersonating a plumber.'

Enlightened Cursing

'No it's still not fixed'

"That's it - I've had it up to here with measurement devices."

You May Bang Your Head Here/You May Talk To Here.

"A watched file never loads..."

Remote control car breakdown.

'As I always say, 'If at first you don't get a passing building inspection report, get mad and tear it up.''

"I thought it would be cheaper to weed wack our shag carpet rather than replace it."

Self-Assembly Bookcase

Son? We need to talk about inappropriate life choices. I was joking. I'm not going to be an investment banker. Great! I'd hate to see you waste your talents. There are plenty of other jobs. Like the fixer who disappears famous athletes' awkward e-mails. You'll always be employed.

'I think I see your problem. You didn't use the swear words listed in the assembly instructions.'

"Dang it."

STRIP Hambone: "System been down long?"

"Hello... is that the help desk?"

Super Homeworld

'I think I should take my hubby for counselling. . . his brain and hands aren't on talking terms.'

"This bill is the same as your estimate! What did'nt you do?"

'Give me the saw Stanley, I'm calling a professional.'

'Is the drain still clogged, Henry?'

Man ignores DIY book and instead reads book entitled: 'Get someone else to do it'.

In case of computer breakdown break glass

Wife to doctor about husband: 'It was a freak accident. He was doing some work on the house.'

"Sorry, but road rage is next door. This room is for people who get frustrated with their compute and take it out on their keyboards."

"What a rip-off."

"What don't you understand about 'fetch'?"

'You're supposed to fetch the stick back,not throw it.'

Unable to repair the On/Off switch, the electrician simply relabeled it.