Frustrated Customer Warrior Gifts

Cooling off period? I'm so cold I'll probably never use your company again!

La Table

"Ed Pierce is here to see you sir, and remember, it's unprofessional to roll your eyes."

'... Further to our telephone conversation of the 3rd, my fax of the 11th, my letters of the 16th, 23rd and 28th, my emails of....'

Buy on-line - Fill in form, Fill in form again, And again, Lose form, Fill-in form a few more times, Give up and go to shop...

Do not feed the clerks.

"If you think my service is bad. . . wait 'til you taste the food!"

'Excuse me, but is there any chance of finding me a decaffeinated clerk?'

"After giving them the runaround for five minutes, pass them on to anger management."

"If you're annoyed by answering machines, press 1. . ."

"Unfortunately, our user-friendly toaster is warranty-unfriendly!"

'Oi, do you mind, trying to speak to my colleague - two self service tills having a chat together.'

'Oh, it's about what I expected...I'm on hold for eternity to some tech rep in India.'

Complaints about how we handled your complaint.

'No, I'm sorry, the HVAC engineer isn't here ... No, I'm not sure when he'll be back? Would you like to be put on hold?'

"No, this is the department for obfuscation, hindrance, confusion and prevarication...you want the department for sophistry, incomprehension, fudging and evasiveness!!"

'Of course I care, madam!'

Customer Service - I don't know and I don't care.

"You're home from work now Dear, you can go back on your default setting."

'There's supposed to be 56 million bubbles in a bottle of Champagne -- I only counted 54, 325,775.'

"My name's Karezog, Despoiler of Worlds, Devourer of Souls. I'll be your server tonight."

'On behalf of our cabin crew who have voted in favour of strike action over Christmas. . . kindly fill out this form. Please send us your questions and comments about how the strike has effected your plans, ruined your holiday. . .'

"She's asking if it's fresh-squeezed. Should I tell her to f**k off?"

Malls admit to using cell phones to track shoppers.

'And why do you want a refund on that calendar?'

'Do you have this in a smaller size?' - 'Is she nuts! She's way too big for that size. She'll destroy it if she tries it on...but if I don't answer her soon she'll destroy me...'

Despatch Dept - Sorry, your order is late sir, everybody's away on an 'Improve Customer Relations' course.

"You can stop holding sir, everyone has gone home."

"Yes, who do I punch in the face for overbooking my flight?"

Complaint clerk presses button to drop customer through trap door

Harold Was Done Asking Customers About Their Day

"Thank you for not taking our customer satisfaction surney at the end this call. Now I can be rude to you with impunity."

"I don't know how you managed it madam, but you have got though to someone in authority."

Woman at Reality TV Productions Co. has in out boxes marked IN and IN OVER MY HEAD.

"Your call is important to us."