Frugal Connoisseur Pillows

"Could I have a bottle of the Chateau Lafitte '67 but filled with the wine from Tesco 2019."

'What do you do with the time you save?'

When Tia Carmen says... "I got it for a very good price!" it means...she stopped at a garage sale on the way home.

My 5-year-old nephew cut his hair! His mom was so upset until she thought: 'Wait a minute! I just saved 12 bucks!'

Clancy Strip: Money and Beer

"I don't know...seems like budget cuts have gone pretty far this year."

'Dave will only turn the heating on when he thinks it's absolutely necessary.'

'Withdrawal symptoms.'

"Why pay for a tree in November when you can get one off the side of the road in January for free?"

"Is that neat whisky?"

"I always say; 'You don't need to spend a lot of money to have a good time on a first date."

'I could only afford a Yo.'

How to save on your heating bill...

"Why can't you just buy some modern LED lights?"

How to do without

"Do you have this in an $11.99?"

'Yes, Bob, Allan's wife did let him buy tickets to the big game, but then Allan didn't spend all his allowance on nachos and beer, now, did he?'

"There's no getting away from the numbers....only by forgetting holidays, giving up drink, the cinema, meals out and socialising...will we be able to afford any quality of life when we retire."

'You must know my kids...they spend like there's no tomorrow.'

"He's given up trying to find anything else he can cut to reach 40% savings."

'I know the marketing budget is stretched...but I still think we need professional models!'

'We've all had to cut costs a smidge.'

'Look, mom...a bargain!'

'He arranged it himself. Let's face it he really was the skinflint's skinflint...'

"I wanted to give Christmas bonuses but that would violate the separation of church and business."

"Armstrong, you're the cheapest cheapskate on earth." "Not yet, but a man can dream." "This toothache is killing me but I have no money and no insurance. Do you know where I can find a really cheap dentist?" "Of course. I can give you my guy's name. He works for peanuts." "I’ll get a pen." "You’ll also need a passport and lots of penicillin."

'Right now I'd say our biggest asset is our credit card debt.'

"Murder, eh? They nabbed me for bargain-hunting without a license."

'Well, you did insist that our travel agent find the cheapest tickets to Hawaii.'

"The great is $54.99, and I do have a near-great for $23.99."