Frugal Connoisseur Pillows

"Could I have a bottle of the Chateau Lafitte '67 but filled with the wine from Tesco 2019."

"Could I have a bottle of the Chateau Lafitte '67 but filled with the wine from Tesco 2019."

No, I didn't know they were going to cut the office furniture budget in half.

'What do you do with the time you save?'

When Tia Carmen says... "I got it for a very good price!" it means...she stopped at a garage sale on the way home.

My 5-year-old nephew cut his hair! His mom was so upset until she thought: 'Wait a minute! I just saved 12 bucks!'

Clancy Strip: Money and Beer

"I don't know...seems like budget cuts have gone pretty far this year."

Take pity on me. I can't give much this year. What is this heresy, son? I didn't get a raise this year, got furloughed this summer, am behind on my cable bill, can't afford proper dates. But it's the holidays. Think of the needy. Pierre in flat-panels has a new baby. Sandy, the mobile device manager, toils so hard for your business. And don't forget Apple. It's got to make its quarter. Computer Villa. Customer service. I shouldn't just think of myself. That's better. I'd like to upgrade all my d

'Dave will only turn the heating on when he thinks it's absolutely necessary.'

Welcome all to the monthly gathering of Tightwads United. Hi there. Hello. Hey. On tonight's agenda: Dumpster diving, coupon clipping, and a special lecture. How to carpool while always getting the other person to drive. I'm like a god. Woohoo!! Yeah!!! Clap clap clap clap clap clap clap. Tightwads United.

'Withdrawal symptoms.'

'He left me McDonald's coupon's for a tip.'

"Is that neat whisky?"

"I always say; 'You don't need to spend a lot of money to have a good time on a first date."

"Why pay for a tree in November when you can get one off the side of the road in January for free?"

"Okay, what's your next, more expensive security system?"

'Gentlemen, it's time we tightened our belts.'

'I could only afford a Yo.'

'You must know my kids...they spend like there's no tomorrow.'

"Do you have this in an $11.99?"

"There's no getting away from the numbers....only by forgetting holidays, giving up drink, the cinema, meals out and socialising...will we be able to afford any quality of life when we retire."

'Yes, Bob, Allan's wife did let him buy tickets to the big game, but then Allan didn't spend all his allowance on nachos and beer, now, did he?'

'I know the marketing budget is stretched...but I still think we need professional models!'

How to save on your heating bill...

"He's given up trying to find anything else he can cut to reach 40% savings."

How to do without

"Why can't you just buy some modern LED lights?"

"I wanted to give Christmas bonuses but that would violate the separation of church and business."

'He arranged it himself. Let's face it he really was the skinflint's skinflint...'

'Look, mom...a bargain!'

'We've all had to cut costs a smidge.'

"Armstrong, you're the cheapest cheapskate on earth." "Not yet, but a man can dream." "This toothache is killing me but I have no money and no insurance. Do you know where I can find a really cheap dentist?" "Of course. I can give you my guy's name. He works for peanuts." "I’ll get a pen." "You’ll also need a passport and lots of penicillin."

'Right now I'd say our biggest asset is our credit card debt.'

"Murder, eh? They nabbed me for bargain-hunting without a license."