Frontier Humor Admirer Pillows

"You're gettin' too big for your dang britches."

"My older self travels back just to remind me to put the cap back on this pen?"

Captain Corcoran, Commander of H.M.S. Pinafore

'If you have to ask, you can't afford it.'

Cell phones seem as if they are designed for a T-Rex!

'I've discovered a talking amoeba!' '2+2=4, 5-4=1, 93=3.' SMASH 'I wanted to get it before it multiplied.'

"I really enjoyed my job. Management found about it and fired me."

"It must be near New Year's Day...There are Easter eggs in the shop windows!"

"Lost his first hat about nine months ago. Really tore him up too."

'Now THAT'S what I call a love seat!'

"Bloody cold-callers - I'm gonna give him a piece of my mind. . .!!"

Noah's lesser known brother.

Leos Janacek

'Naw, man! I ain't never worked in no animal hospital...'

I'm Ok, You're Ok Corral

Jungle dweller swings from outhouse with toilet paper stuck to his foot.

Cow cleaning his teeth with string.

'That's no lady - she hasn't even shaved her armpits.'

What brings you to Canada? None of your beeswax. Border. Business, pleasure, asylum or melodrama? Huh? Our newest category. Donald Trump eats kittens! Ashton Kutcher. Melodrama, next!

"You're not from around here...are you?"

"This pizza party tastes a lot like layoffs."

In Case of An Irresistable Urge to Break Something

Why do we have pistols? I thought we were back-to-back to see who is taller!

Hoppers leave Luke's Pub at the end of Hoppy Hour.

"I guess the German takeover was successful."

'It was the only white thing I had.'

'Oh my god!'

Sinister looking man sits near outline of body, with a sign that reads: 'All my own work'.

'How much would you charge to kill my husband'

World's Worst Triathlete.

Dolphin at bar - 'I'm in disguise'

"You're right—there's no such thing as personal space in a hibernaculum."

'Creepy.'

Damnation without relief means there is no Ladies Room.

'Unfortunately, it's fighting an uphill battle against our first name, which is 'Apathy.''