Friends Who Are Moms Pillows

"I told you I don't make chicken soup! I'm a muse, not a mother!"

"I see that he is growing as fast as your law firm."

"Mom! Don't think of me as covered with sand. Think of me as sugar coated."

"No, the cordless embryo isn't available."

'I don't see why I have to pick it up. I'm not responsible for the law of gravity.'

"I'm not eating cookies before dinner. I'm having cookies for dinner!"

"This is where baby gets some alone time."

"Isn't he the spitting image of his Dad?"

"When I was young my parents couldn't afford to give me too much, too soon."

'Motherhood is great, but I get a really sore back...'

"Instead of taking a bath can I wear a flea collar?"

"I'm exempt from the company fitness program. I have triplets at home."

'We're playing trampoline, mom.'

Why moms make bad refs.

"We both see Ben as this summer's breakout child."

"They won't even try their palate cleansers!"

"Today in school we learned how to glue!"

Complete the jigsaw puzzle of your life

"Never mind Benjamin – he just lawyers-up to get attention."

'Mind how you cross the ocean.'

"It's bold! It's moving! It's inspired! But what is it?"

'We're the parents. What we say goes. . . In one ear and out the other.'

"Instead of taking a bath couldn't I just run through a carwash?"

'Peekaboo!'

This is Twig's scene. Get ready! That's her! Where? There! Too late. Nice shot of Jessie Caldwell. Wasn't she fabulous.

"So this is the Mr. Waring who has made such a great impression on my little girl."

"We'd love to come, but we can't seem to find a sitter."

"Our next contestant is Mildred and her specialist subject is "Other People's Business""

"Don't take the ones with teeth marks. They've got hard centres ."

It's a letter from Tim. He claims his grades are improving and he might even make the DEEN's list.

"When Ed suggested 5 potato, 6 potato, 7 potato more, I suggested a vasectomy."

"Congratulations! It's a pain in the ass."

'One advantage of having so many dependents is that I don't have to worry about income taxes.'

"And this is our son Danny's room. Danny is being raised by wolves."

"No, I don't look in the mirror. I look in the soap."