Friendly Sociable Pillows

'Funny how I always get on well with weirdos . . . Dunno why!'

Coach to football players: 'And no cuddling!'

"I think I can". (train)

'The mask?... Oh, I always try to obscure my face a little, at parties. Just to give the other guys a fighting chance.'

"Sorry, had to barf real quick... so where were we?"

"I don't want to be alone when I'm old, either, so when we're old let's get back in touch."

'Yeah, but this time she just said no -- there wasn't any hysterical laughter!'

"I don't care that you personalized your work area, but stop yelling 'Howdy, neighbor!' to everyone you see!"

"There are scones in the oven too, in case you're peckish."

'I think it's finally accurate to say that literally everyone is misusing the word 'literally'.'

"How about a discount for the little lady, pal, as your way of saying thanks for the bailout?"

Six feet and a smile

Look...a friendly face.

"I've made peace with my demons."

"No, this isn't the liquor talking But I am a spokesperson for the liquor."

"Try to keep your bread and butter personality at the party. You're so sour in your dill moments."

"This is going to fly off the shelves!"

'It's a perch.' 'Porch.'

'I'm afraid that smartphone is designed for people who are much cooler than you.'

'Oh dear. And who have you been differing with today?'

Counter culture is friendly:'Have a great day!'

'Such a friendly neighborhood! If I bark all night long, your owner always comes out for a chat!'

Shadow and man

'I'll have to go - some-one's knocking at the door.'

"Why is it every time we get together we end up squabbling?"

"I'm moving mattresses and box springs. I'd like to borrow your man."

"I lost all my Facebook friends after I asked them to lend me some money."

"Quote, Bill, unquote."

'Look we're all good friends - why not make it a double divorce?'