Friend Who Loves Their Job Gifts

Find out that man's name and give him a rise.

Boss's Desk Says No!

'I like the way you handle responsibility, McWit, so I'm going to blame some stuff on you.'

That shows business confidence.

"No training period, but you can purchase my instructional video on line for $49.95."

"That's Paul, he's our head of partnerships..."

'What's wrong now?'

Well, I see Wilcox is finally using his head...as a paperweight!

"Yes, you have given 100% to this company. But, over the five years you've worked here that's only 20% a year."

"They found a use for that old paper shredder."

'If you have nothing to do don't come round here and do it.'

"Since you somehow managed to get past my moat, I'll give you a few minutes."

Superheroes Having a Drink

"Of course we'll give you a choice. Would you prefer to lose your job to outsourcing or to robotic automation?"

"No annual raises, but I will 'like' all your hard work on Facebook."

'Everyone's true personality comes out on dress-down Fridays, even the boss's.'

"Make yourself comfortable so that we can discuss your raise."

Subordinate Employee

'We got you a bigger desk. With all the work we'll be dumping on you, you'll be needing it.'

Cog-In-The-Wheel

That endless instant between initial eye contact and conscious recognition.

'He's faxing like there's no tomorrow.'

"It's safe to close your eyes and relax...these meetings are safety equipped with front and side airbags."

InOutYada Yada.

'But before we move on, allow me to belabor the point even further...'

"And, for insurance purposes, you must buy insurance."

"The water does taste a little funny. Maybe they added analgesics, to ease the pain of restructuring."

"Does this desk make my job look big?"

violence in workplace

"The camera is mounted on your desk for a reason. There's been some paperclips missing, and we think you're the culprit."

'Miss Barnes, cancel my appointments. If I start swimming now, I can be back in the office in a few weeks.'

'Miss Jones, take this down.'

'I'm here for 10 years and I don't have a clue about what this company is doing. I'm here just because of the gossip!'

"Nope! He'd never set eyes on a water cooler in all his years in the office!"

"I'm going in."