Friend Collector Pillows

'I wouldn't say this wine's name is long, but it's continued on the bottle next to it.'

"These are the very weapons your mother and I used in our famous duel."

"They think we're their best friend. Just play along with it."

'It's genuine 17th century satsuma - and the pair would have been worth ?14,000.'

"If it doesn't happen on Facebook, it didn't happen."

'Heirloom Tiffany Lamp Delivery. I Brake for Everything.'

His cubicle had come to be known as 'Teddy Bear Heaven'.

"You're crappin' in the closet again, Claude."

"But the real treasure is spending time with friends."

'... Going once...going twice...aaaand--sold! To the gentleman in the front row for a thousand words.'

'...So you claim this is genuine Rembrandt?'

'It's amazing! I'm a magician! I can make a weekly wage disappear in four hours!'

"Too much club."

"Got any cards saying friendship is priceless under 5 bucks?"

"Twenty-five thousand, do I hear thirty thousand? Let me remind you all - this is the last Thin Mint cookie in the sleeve..."

'Any recommendations besides these report cards saying you work well with others?'

'Sharing is saying you're my friend, without having to say 'you're my friend'.'

"Fetch, Ernie, fetch!"

Living with a cataholic.

"Lisa, your playdate is here!"

"Wanna be my default best friend?"

'Actually thursday'll be a perfect time to come by Penny. That way you'll finally get the chance to meet my other half.'

'My husband, Bill, works at the airport - I still haven't opened my birthday presents from three years ago.'

"I'm sorry, I can't assist with this request."

"It's a flip phone. I guess we can document this as an ancient, archaeological discovery."

"I wonder what this was for."

'How old is this vase?'

"Hmm interesting Hallmark..."

"I never expected you to pay through the nose."

'...but the good new is your old Enron stock has become a high-priced collectible!'

'Your entire library consists of nothing but tabloids bound in Corinthian leather?'

Pawnshop: Genuine Fake Watches.

'Stamp auction' WW2 Victory stamps on two fingers

'Now she's jealous of my imaginary playmate.'