Friend Collector Pillows

"Darling your Facebook friends are here!"

'I wouldn't say this wine's name is long, but it's continued on the bottle next to it.'

"These are the very weapons your mother and I used in our famous duel."

"They think we're their best friend. Just play along with it."

"If it doesn't happen on Facebook, it didn't happen."

'It's genuine 17th century satsuma - and the pair would have been worth ?14,000.'

'Heirloom Tiffany Lamp Delivery. I Brake for Everything.'

"You're crappin' in the closet again, Claude."

His cubicle had come to be known as 'Teddy Bear Heaven'.

"But the real treasure is spending time with friends."

'...So you claim this is genuine Rembrandt?'

'... Going once...going twice...aaaand--sold! To the gentleman in the front row for a thousand words.'

'Any recommendations besides these report cards saying you work well with others?'

"Twenty-five thousand, do I hear thirty thousand? Let me remind you all - this is the last Thin Mint cookie in the sleeve..."

'It's amazing! I'm a magician! I can make a weekly wage disappear in four hours!'

"Too much club."

"Got any cards saying friendship is priceless under 5 bucks?"

'Sharing is saying you're my friend, without having to say 'you're my friend'.'

Living with a cataholic.

"Fetch, Ernie, fetch!"

"I wonder what this was for."

"Lisa, your playdate is here!"

"Hey, Dad, guess what? My Honus Wagner baseball card is worth $2.1 million!"

"Wanna be my default best friend?"

"I'm sorry, I can't assist with this request."

"It's a flip phone. I guess we can document this as an ancient, archaeological discovery."

'My husband, Bill, works at the airport - I still haven't opened my birthday presents from three years ago.'

'Actually thursday'll be a perfect time to come by Penny. That way you'll finally get the chance to meet my other half.'

'How old is this vase?'

'...but the good new is your old Enron stock has become a high-priced collectible!'

"Hmm interesting Hallmark..."

'Your entire library consists of nothing but tabloids bound in Corinthian leather?'

"I never expected you to pay through the nose."

'Stamp auction' WW2 Victory stamps on two fingers

'Now she's jealous of my imaginary playmate.'