Freshly Minted Adult Pillows

"The labor market is awaiting you!"

The day the cat realized it was dependent.

"May we live in interesting times. And may we outlive them."

'It seems to work, I couldn't afford a blackberry!'

PREPARING A POMEGRANATE FOR DUMMIES

'Are we broke yet?'

"Did you remember my mints?"

"That was too many fresh original voices for one night."

Peter

"Tell us the one about swift justice, Grandpa."

"Your mother and I think it's time you got a place of your own. We'd like a little time alone before we die."

Bob began seeing his mother, who gave him up for adoption, professionally, three times a week. It didn't help much.

"No, I want to know the meaning of never calling your mother."

"If I had known how adult her place was I would have brought nicer beer."

'I just couldn't wait until eight!'

Having installed a hydraulically operated wall in their 25-year-old's bedroom...

Hey boss, it's April 13th. A couple years ago, you said come back April 13, 2015, and we could talk about you giving me a raise. Yes, but that was predicated on the notion that you'd need a raise by now. I see you're still alive. Clearly you haven't starved to death. You smell minty-fresh, so clearly you haven't been forced out onto the streets. Karl Marx said it best: "From each according to his ability, to each according to his need." I'm pretty sure that is not what Marx meant.

"Your old Jewish mother with some pickled herring, sir. To remind you of your roots,"

'I blame my parents, they never set me any standards worth rebelling against.'

'Time for another trip down to Anchorage — we're all out of breath mints.'

"Don't worry - the Power of Dad still trumps the Power of Attorney."

'Does my bum look big in this?'

"Sorry, Kevin, but having the wi-fi down for a couple of hour is not 'living off the grid'."

"Now pay attention when mother is speaking, Hubert!"

"Mom, can you and Dad lend me nine hundred thousand dollars?"

"Mom and Pop-Ups"

"And since when does being twenty-five and married and living in Dallas excuse you from a family meeting?"

"I wasn't kidding when I said my first movie, Aztec Warriors of the Moon, made a mint -- here it is."

How Wafer-Thin Mints Stay Thin.

"He's a super-calloused fragile mystic, hexed by halitosis."

"If being normal is so natural.....why is it such a strain?"

Secrets of Adulthood.

"Son... promise me you'll send out a blast to my followers."

"I've changed my mind son - I've decided that I do want to be a financial burden on you . . !"

Career Opportunities of the Future