Freshly Minted Adult Gifts

"The labor market is awaiting you!"

"May we live in interesting times. And may we outlive them."

The day the cat realized it was dependent.

'Are we broke yet?'

PREPARING A POMEGRANATE FOR DUMMIES

Peter

"Tell us the one about swift justice, Grandpa."

"That was too many fresh original voices for one night."

"Your mother and I think it's time you got a place of your own. We'd like a little time alone before we die."

"No, I want to know the meaning of never calling your mother."

"If I had known how adult her place was I would have brought nicer beer."

Bob began seeing his mother, who gave him up for adoption, professionally, three times a week. It didn't help much.

"Your old Jewish mother with some pickled herring, sir. To remind you of your roots,"

'I blame my parents, they never set me any standards worth rebelling against.'

'Time for another trip down to Anchorage — we're all out of breath mints.'

'Does my bum look big in this?'

"Sorry, Kevin, but having the wi-fi down for a couple of hour is not 'living off the grid'."

"Mom, can you and Dad lend me nine hundred thousand dollars?"

"I wasn't kidding when I said my first movie, Aztec Warriors of the Moon, made a mint -- here it is."

"If being normal is so natural.....why is it such a strain?"

"Now pay attention when mother is speaking, Hubert!"

"And since when does being twenty-five and married and living in Dallas excuse you from a family meeting?"

How Wafer-Thin Mints Stay Thin.

"Mom and Pop-Ups"

"He's a super-calloused fragile mystic, hexed by halitosis."

Secrets of Adulthood.

"Son... promise me you'll send out a blast to my followers."

"I've changed my mind son - I've decided that I do want to be a financial burden on you . . !"

"No, I do not live in my parents basement...it's a walk out."