Frequent Traveler Gift T-Shirts

'I always check 2 bags, but one's just a sacrifice to the luggage gods.'

'You want a quick read? How about this one: 'Memoirs of an Amnesic'?'

'Flight simulator'

"You just had to book the economy cruise, didn't you?"

"Now boarding group 50 and up."

Excess Baggage: Airline CEO's should be forced to work at the check-in counter explaining those hated add-on fees to passengers.

"Don't worry. If we're too late, we can always catch the secondary screening."

'Phone for help? Are you mad? Have you any idea how much it costs to use a mobile abroad?'

Business-Class.

'The best part is being able to fly without taking off your shoes.'

Somewhere in France: The Fabric of Daily French Life Is On Display

"Here’s the thermostat. Like all hotel thermostats, it’s just for show."

US Airlines

"Good news, sir – your carry-on has been upgraded to business class."

"And that one shows my frequent flier miles."

"We've been from sea to shining sea! Why don't you admit you're lost!"

Airline: Arrivals, Departures, Missing Luggage and Missing Planes.

'Not only am I a frequent flyer, I'm a frequent waiter.'

"May I ask you, sir, if our little jingle on TV had anything to do with your decision to take along the missus?"

"3 ounce liquids! Get your 3 ounce liquids here! Approved and ready for screening! 3 ounce liquids!"

Angel in the Departure Lounge

Free WiFi

"How much if I pedal?"

'There's a fee for each carry on bag, including your bag of potato chips.'

'Would yo like reading or non-reading?'

Airport security - next step?

"Next vacation, let's leave the chicken home."

"So how are things back in economy?"

'Well? How was the flight?'

Puzzle books - Guaranteed to fry your brain.

'We only have rooms with real teeth left!'

'I'll bet my luggage ends up at another hospital.'

"Back at work and ready to go-get-'em after a two-week vacation at O'Hare."

'Our financial adviser urges us to take a hiking vacation this summer.'