Frequent Traveler Gift Pillows

'I always check 2 bags, but one's just a sacrifice to the luggage gods.'

'You want a quick read? How about this one: 'Memoirs of an Amnesic'?'

'Flight simulator'

"You just had to book the economy cruise, didn't you?"

"Now boarding group 50 and up."

"Don't worry. If we're too late, we can always catch the secondary screening."

Excess Baggage: Airline CEO's should be forced to work at the check-in counter explaining those hated add-on fees to passengers.

'Phone for help? Are you mad? Have you any idea how much it costs to use a mobile abroad?'

Somewhere in France: The Fabric of Daily French Life Is On Display

'The best part is being able to fly without taking off your shoes.'

Business-Class.

"Good news, sir – your carry-on has been upgraded to business class."

"Here’s the thermostat. Like all hotel thermostats, it’s just for show."

US Airlines

"We've been from sea to shining sea! Why don't you admit you're lost!"

Airline: Arrivals, Departures, Missing Luggage and Missing Planes.

"And that one shows my frequent flier miles."

'Not only am I a frequent flyer, I'm a frequent waiter.'

"May I ask you, sir, if our little jingle on TV had anything to do with your decision to take along the missus?"

Free WiFi

"3 ounce liquids! Get your 3 ounce liquids here! Approved and ready for screening! 3 ounce liquids!"

Angel in the Departure Lounge

"How much if I pedal?"

'There's a fee for each carry on bag, including your bag of potato chips.'

'Would yo like reading or non-reading?'

'Well? How was the flight?'

If you apply for my credit card, you can earn points toward your next guilt trip.

'We only have rooms with real teeth left!'

Puzzle books - Guaranteed to fry your brain.

'I'll bet my luggage ends up at another hospital.'

"Back at work and ready to go-get-'em after a two-week vacation at O'Hare."

"So how are things back in economy?"

Airport security - next step?

'Our financial adviser urges us to take a hiking vacation this summer.'

"Next vacation, let's leave the chicken home."