Frequent Flyers Club Member Gifts

"You're in the wrong queue, sir. . . the 'Air-of-entitlement, upgrade-demands' counter, is over there."

"So the plan is to fly everyone for free. But we'll charge $400.00 per bag."

Carefree luggage.

'What zip code are we in now?'

"I was going to chuck it all and go to Paris but I didn't have enough frequent-flier miles."

"No luggage to check - I just have this carry on."

Angels await for their baggage around carousels.

'Buying the inflight entertainment system was a great idea of yours, Dear...'

Walking Luggage.

"If God had meant us to fly, he'd give us more leg room!"

"This bag is carry-on, and this one is kick-drop-throw-and-pile-on."

'Thank you for flying Canine Airlines. You can now sit on the furniture.'

'Do you have any specific regulations concerning travelling with pets?'

"Think we'll still make happy hour?"

Child on an airplane wearing a shirt with a switch that says "Airplane mode"

'We will be 3 minutes late taking off. . . the pilot has to piddle.'

'Sir, will that be business or first class?'

"Do we have to go to the beach? I think the airline mixed up my luggage."

'You sent your wife to get a bottle of wine from the wine cellar? Your jet doesn't have a wine cellar.'

A private jet takes off

'We don't know which gate flight 311 to Denver is boarding. These are the menus.'

"At least this year she got rid of the seat belts."

'...so if we can save enough maybe, just maybe, next year we'll be migrating courtesy of British Airways.'

"I'm afraid there'll be an excess baggage charge on your Filofax."

"This seat with extra legroom is great."

'You want a quick read? How about this one: 'Memoirs of an Amnesic'?'

Airplane Mode.

'At this time, we would like to call those passengers who feel compelled to board before their row numbers are announced.'

'You're off the plane, Hal. Put the laptop on your desk.'

"Passengers, as we begin our descent, you may now suddenly act open and friendly to the person beside you."

'Flight simulator'

"Sorry for the wait. Have you guys been here long?"

'I feel like my ears are about to pop.'

Vaccination Passport

"You shouldn't have stopped to go to the bathroom, sir - you were late claiming your luggage, so we raffled it off."