Frequent Flier Gifts

'We have a problem, Bob! All the passengers back there are on the wrong plane. Even the attendants are on the wrong plane. Hey, wait - you're not Bob.'

"Where aren't you going to?"

"Washington, New York; New York, Boston; Boston, Washington. How was your day?"

"And that one shows my frequent flier miles."

It was Judy's first time demonstrating inflatable life jackets.

'British Airways' 'Around the world in 80 delays'

'Well? How was the flight?'

Airlines With Attitude

'Will you be requiring a pilot?'

"3 ounce liquids! Get your 3 ounce liquids here! Approved and ready for screening! 3 ounce liquids!"

Seniority Scanner App

Passport chaos.

Excess Baggage: The airlines will hold your connecting flight just long enough so you can watch it leave without you.

'The best part is being able to fly without taking off your shoes.'

'Mabel, it's the last call for you - they're about to take off!'

"Back at work and ready to go-get-'em after a two-week vacation at O'Hare."

You've flip-flopped it: that's one passenger, two carry-ons.

Excess Baggage: Airline CEO's should be forced to work at the check-in counter explaining those hated add-on fees to passengers.

"We'd like to begin by boarding all passengers who feel impatient."

"Now boarding group 50 and up."

"May I ask you, sir, if our little jingle on TV had anything to do with your decision to take along the missus?"

"First, though, we'll be boarding all our bald business travellers who've been asking a ton of interesting questions for the past forty-five minutes."

"So the plan is to fly everyone for free. But we'll charge $400.00 per bag."

Carefree luggage.

'What zip code are we in now?'

"I was going to chuck it all and go to Paris but I didn't have enough frequent-flier miles."

"No luggage to check - I just have this carry on."

Walking Luggage.

Angels await for their baggage around carousels.

'Buying the inflight entertainment system was a great idea of yours, Dear...'

"If God had meant us to fly, he'd give us more leg room!"

"Do we have to go to the beach? I think the airline mixed up my luggage."

'We will be 3 minutes late taking off. . . the pilot has to piddle.'

Child on an airplane wearing a shirt with a switch that says "Airplane mode"

'Sir, will that be business or first class?'