Frequent Flyers Gifts

Airplane Seatbelts

Scared as Hell Airlines.

'You're charging me for TWO seats; an extra fee for my trunk, and now you've stopped giving out peanuts!...and you call yourself a JUMBO jet.'

"We don't consider you luggage 'lost', we like to think it's off on an adventure."

"I'm not flying south. Not without insurance."

"Is this going to be a full flight?"

"As a courtesy for the inconvenience, please accept a voucher for three additional hours of your life, redeemable upon your death."

'Wow, this is the same model we have in school.'

For years pilots grumbled about the runway, so airport management was surprised by the grumbling when they finally fixed the problems.

Why do I need a CAT scan? I just had a whole body scan at the airport.

"Passengers, as we begin our descent, you may now suddenly act open and friendly to the person beside you."

'When I press this, the stewardess announces what I've done - and one doesn't often get that level of female attention.'

'I'm a just-in-time imports/exports executive - I should've gone home Tuesday week!'

Santa Puking In An Airplane

'Ladies and gentlemen, as you may have noticed, we are now making our initial decent.'

'There's nothing in gay non smoking... but I can give you an aisle seat in vegetarian bikers.'

"Unfortunately, our pilot said insensitive things on a podcast ten years ago."

"I'm glad they had these nice robes for us, because my luggage didn't make it."

'I knew the airport was low on parking spaces, but this is ridiculous.'

'Can you help me find my keys?'

'I feel like my ears are about to pop.'

Skip the TSA scans by wearing a Burka

"In preparation for landing. Please turn off your phones, raise your tray tables, turn your pockets inside out and lift your feet 3 inches off the ground."

Cramped airport departure lounge.

Cloud Cuckoo Land, "The Hendersons saved a small fortune in children's air fares"

'Ok Captain, let's see if we can get this crate down!'

He Keeps Touching Me.

'Do you have a flight that will get us to Gate 2?'

Ski Jump Flight Plan

'And stay out!'

'Something right by a washroom if you have it.'

'Do you have any seats with extra leg room?'

"Your luggage has gone to hell."

"It was awful – we got stuck sitting next to our kids the whole flight."

Future COVID-19 Airline Meal Serivce