Frequent Flyers Mugs

Airplane Seatbelts

Scared as Hell Airlines.

"We don't consider you luggage 'lost', we like to think it's off on an adventure."

"I'm not flying south. Not without insurance."

"Is this going to be a full flight?"

"As a courtesy for the inconvenience, please accept a voucher for three additional hours of your life, redeemable upon your death."

"Passengers, as we begin our descent, you may now suddenly act open and friendly to the person beside you."

Why do I need a CAT scan? I just had a whole body scan at the airport.

For years pilots grumbled about the runway, so airport management was surprised by the grumbling when they finally fixed the problems.

'Wow, this is the same model we have in school.'

'When I press this, the stewardess announces what I've done - and one doesn't often get that level of female attention.'

'I'm a just-in-time imports/exports executive - I should've gone home Tuesday week!'

Santa Puking In An Airplane

'Ladies and gentlemen, as you may have noticed, we are now making our initial decent.'

'There's nothing in gay non smoking... but I can give you an aisle seat in vegetarian bikers.'

"Unfortunately, our pilot said insensitive things on a podcast ten years ago."

Cramped airport departure lounge.

"In preparation for landing. Please turn off your phones, raise your tray tables, turn your pockets inside out and lift your feet 3 inches off the ground."

Skip the TSA scans by wearing a Burka

'I feel like my ears are about to pop.'

Ski Jump Flight Plan

"I'm glad they had these nice robes for us, because my luggage didn't make it."

'Do you have any seats with extra leg room?'

'Do you have a flight that will get us to Gate 2?'

'Can you help me find my keys?'

'Ok Captain, let's see if we can get this crate down!'

'And stay out!'

'Something right by a washroom if you have it.'

He Keeps Touching Me.

"Your luggage has gone to hell."

'I knew the airport was low on parking spaces, but this is ridiculous.'

Cloud Cuckoo Land, "The Hendersons saved a small fortune in children's air fares"

"Hell: The Airport"

A passenger presses the service button upon seeing fish outside his window.

Airplane Safety