Frequent Flyer Fan Gifts

'Any restrictions on the amount of luggage you can lose?'

Homing pigeons in therapy.

"Welcome to the Budget Flight. There's no meal, no beverage and I'm charging you just to pay attention."

"So the plan is to fly everyone for free. But we'll charge $400.00 per bag."

Carefree luggage.

"I was going to chuck it all and go to Paris but I didn't have enough frequent-flier miles."

'What zip code are we in now?'

"No luggage to check - I just have this carry on."

Walking Luggage.

'Buying the inflight entertainment system was a great idea of yours, Dear...'

Angels await for their baggage around carousels.

"If God had meant us to fly, he'd give us more leg room!"

"Do we have to go to the beach? I think the airline mixed up my luggage."

'Sir, will that be business or first class?'

"Think we'll still make happy hour?"

"This bag is carry-on, and this one is kick-drop-throw-and-pile-on."

Child on an airplane wearing a shirt with a switch that says "Airplane mode"

'We will be 3 minutes late taking off. . . the pilot has to piddle.'

'You sent your wife to get a bottle of wine from the wine cellar? Your jet doesn't have a wine cellar.'

"This seat with extra legroom is great."

'...so if we can save enough maybe, just maybe, next year we'll be migrating courtesy of British Airways.'

Airplane Mode.

"At least this year she got rid of the seat belts."

'You want a quick read? How about this one: 'Memoirs of an Amnesic'?'

"I'm afraid there'll be an excess baggage charge on your Filofax."

'We don't know which gate flight 311 to Denver is boarding. These are the menus.'

A private jet takes off

'You're off the plane, Hal. Put the laptop on your desk.'

'At this time, we would like to call those passengers who feel compelled to board before their row numbers are announced.'

"Passengers, as we begin our descent, you may now suddenly act open and friendly to the person beside you."

'Flight simulator'

"Sorry for the wait. Have you guys been here long?"

'I feel like my ears are about to pop.'

"You shouldn't have stopped to go to the bathroom, sir - you were late claiming your luggage, so we raffled it off."

Vaccination Passport