Frequent Flier Fun-lover Gifts

"It's going to be tight making all of these 873 connecting flights tonight."

'Nobody ever before had took much notice of Granny's homemade flour-sack bloomers.'

'Flight simulator'

"Now boarding group 50 and up."

'Sorry I'm late - I was stacked up at the airport.'

Vampire on a plane

Excess Baggage: Airline CEO's should be forced to work at the check-in counter explaining those hated add-on fees to passengers.

Airport Security. Remove Shoes. What do they call the guy in charge of all this airport security? "The TSAR"!

'The best part is being able to fly without taking off your shoes.'

Dog on a plane.

Homing pigeons in therapy.

"And that one shows my frequent flier miles."

'One small step for man. Hundreds of thousands of miles for my frequent flier program.'

"May I ask you, sir, if our little jingle on TV had anything to do with your decision to take along the missus?"

'Hey, can I have your frequent flier points?'

"3 ounce liquids! Get your 3 ounce liquids here! Approved and ready for screening! 3 ounce liquids!"

'Would yo like reading or non-reading?'

Airport security - next step?

'Does N.A.S.A. give frequent flyer miles?'

'I'll bet my luggage ends up at another hospital.'

Elite-Premium Passengers

'Well? How was the flight?'

"Emotionally, I'm checking three bags."

"Back at work and ready to go-get-'em after a two-week vacation at O'Hare."

'We found your luggage! It went to Buffalo!'

'Your honor, my client requests the maximum bail possible so that he can post it with his frequent-flier credit card.'

'Once you're seated and have safely stowed all carry-ons, we'll start the bidding for seat belts.'

Frequent Flier Tom Walstrom, on his way to Seattle, passes his luggage on it's way to L.A.

Excess Baggage: You wonder where folks are traveling to that they need all that luggage...

"As this is our first date, perhaps I should tell you that I participate in several frequent liar programmes."

Airlines With Attitude

'I just flew in from Los Angeles, and boy are my arms wings...!'

Excess Baggage: The airlines will hold your connecting flight just long enough so you can watch it leave without you.

"So that's what this is all about? Frequent Flyer Miles?"

"We'd like to begin by boarding all passengers who feel impatient."