French Fakers Pillows

'Don't tell him I can't speak, French. He's paying me to translate his girlfriends letters.'

Children disturbing a heart rate reading.

'okay...where did you hide it?'

"Let's save a few so we can continue to piss off the neighbors for the next few weeks."

'How much stuff can I get away with and still go to heaven?'

Photobooth Photobomb

"No Joke! I taught my dog to fetch coffee."

"Here's a buck, kid... Don't tell your mom I snuck out of my retirement home!"

'The man was real nice about it. He gave me my ball back and even said you can expect a nice call from his lawyer.'

"My fella was chucked out of the water-birth for running around the pool and bombing."

'Excuse me mom, I've got to take a call.'

'It's a new record, mom - there are six of us in here!'

"It's all show-as soon as Marks gone he switches off the football and reads Proust..."

'Let's just keep quiet about this, and maybe some terrorist group will claim credit.'

"I guess breakable things need to be more careful around me."

"About these experiements of yours into genetic cloning, Bond" boomed the Headmaster, "They must cease immediately"

Doggie Bowl Drill

"Rest assured we invest your money as if it were our own. Can I borrow 50 bucks?"

Parisian Misguided Tours.

'What's happened to all this money?'

'Stop fooling around, I can hear my dad coming out of the shower...'

"So nice to spend a week just ransacking with the kids."

'The real fun comes when we go through airport security.'

'How can we be so sure it's a fake, gentlemen - she isn't smiling!'

"If that's my mom tell her I'm at recess."

"My dad ate my homework."

'Can you tell me the nationality of Napoleon?'

'We'll soon know whether or not the Easter rabbit is real.'

Hide and Seek

'My teacher has a good memory. She remembers what a rotten kid you were.'

"Relax. As soon as you get over your fear of heights you're gonna love this."

'Professor Dinsmore talked about a major breakthrough in his cloning experiments!'

'Oh no, they're back!'