Free Meal Hunter Pillows

'The food inspector, Sir!'

"I'll have the Investigator's Special."

"Ten Dollars?! I can't eat that." Bob was on a strict low-cost diet.

Joe's Kaff for Dinners! And Afters Too!

"Be sure and eat your frozen vegetables."

"Darling, you never let me see the side of you that pays."

'Who says you're not genetically manipulated?'

"We'll just have the loaves and fishes. . ."

Restaurant menu board: 'Day old - 2 day old - 3 day old'

'Hey look I got a free newspaper with my wallchart of north sea molluscs aand DVD of elbow stretching excercises.'

'Which are the most popular and least popular items, and which have been on the menu the longest and shortest times?'

"Bingo, it's the hippy lady again! She always throws something interesting: last week it was honey-beer bread..."

'What happened to the free peanuts?'

Real Fast Food.

'I can't tell you what's in the stew because it's classified.'

Guru on a mountain top with a take away menu

"Surprise me."

'Genetically modified baked beans...well they look and taste the same to me!'

'Eat it while it's still £6.50.'

'For the instant mashed potatoes, the head and serve puddings, the canned cranberry sauce, the defrost and serve pumpkin pie and the delivered roast turkey, we are truly thankful.'

"Just bring me something that'll put hairs on my chest."

"I'll start with the arugula-and-goat-cheese salad, and then I'll have the blackened wolf."

'We won't need menus. Just bring whatever is cooked. They'll eat it and like it.'

"Are you ready to pound down some breakfast?"

"I believe you provide free brochures and advice."

'And have one for yourself, tomorrow...'

TV dinner

Tempo - Announcing our new free call offer! 'There's no such thing as a free launch.'

'These cornflakes have given me a sharp pain in my tum."

"Just so it won't confuse you - the meal I've just called you for is in real time; the programme you're watching is a repeat."

Joe's Bar: Lunch Special

"Hi, I just got divorced, would you like a free tote and mug?"

Basics: bar and free peanuts.

Baldo's Life is Sweet Moment: Not getting the last serving of your tia's lengua casserole.