Free Meal Hunter Pillows

'The food inspector, Sir!'

"I'll have the Investigator's Special."

"Ten Dollars?! I can't eat that." Bob was on a strict low-cost diet.

Joe's Kaff for Dinners! And Afters Too!

"Be sure and eat your frozen vegetables."

"Darling, you never let me see the side of you that pays."

'Who says you're not genetically manipulated?'

"We'll just have the loaves and fishes. . ."

Restaurant menu board: 'Day old - 2 day old - 3 day old'

'Hey look I got a free newspaper with my wallchart of north sea molluscs aand DVD of elbow stretching excercises.'

'Which are the most popular and least popular items, and which have been on the menu the longest and shortest times?'

"Bingo, it's the hippy lady again! She always throws something interesting: last week it was honey-beer bread..."

'And that's not all, everyone in the audience today is going home with a brand new Buick!!! Oh wait...That's next Tuesday.'

'What happened to the free peanuts?'

Real Fast Food.

'I can't tell you what's in the stew because it's classified.'

"Surprise me."

'Genetically modified baked beans...well they look and taste the same to me!'

Guru on a mountain top with a take away menu

"I'll start with the arugula-and-goat-cheese salad, and then I'll have the blackened wolf."

"Just bring me something that'll put hairs on my chest."

'For the instant mashed potatoes, the head and serve puddings, the canned cranberry sauce, the defrost and serve pumpkin pie and the delivered roast turkey, we are truly thankful.'

"Ever wonder if these are loaded with antioxidants?"

'Eat it while it's still £6.50.'

'We won't need menus. Just bring whatever is cooked. They'll eat it and like it.'

TV dinner

'These cornflakes have given me a sharp pain in my tum."

"Just so it won't confuse you - the meal I've just called you for is in real time; the programme you're watching is a repeat."

Tempo - Announcing our new free call offer! 'There's no such thing as a free launch.'

'And have one for yourself, tomorrow...'

"Are you ready to pound down some breakfast?"

"I believe you provide free brochures and advice."

"These aren't free samples. This is my lunch, dammit!"

Joe's Bar: Lunch Special

Basics: bar and free peanuts.