Meal Deal Matcher Pillows

"Darling, you never let me see the side of you that pays."

Joe's Kaff for Dinners! And Afters Too!

"Ten Dollars?! I can't eat that." Bob was on a strict low-cost diet.

Garlic Free Zone.

When Tia Carmen says... "I got it for a very good price!" it means...she stopped at a garage sale on the way home.

'When you asked me over for a home-cooked meal, I assumed you'd be making it.'

'Broccoli is biodegradable, you know, in case you want to throw it out before I eat it.'

'Okay mum, I'll eat it all up. But I doubt I'll grow big and strong on this muck!'

"Blowing the whistle is perfect for a sports bar to let its patrons know that Happy Hour is over."

Restaurant menu board: 'Day old - 2 day old - 3 day old'

'Which are the most popular and least popular items, and which have been on the menu the longest and shortest times?'

"He's a fussy eater."

'What do you mean, it's good for me and I'll like it? That sounds like a contradiction in terms.'

'The food inspector, Sir!'

'I'm impressed at your choice sir, you certainly know your budget wines.'

Food Blog

Grandchildren's Menu: Whatever's on your plate and no funny business

'The 'senior special' was two eggs, bacon, ham, cheese, hash browns and buttered toast for only $1.99. However, the two cholesterol lowering pills, I had to take, were four dollars each.'

'I doubled my money! The bank dude gave me 20 50-cent-coins for lousy ten one-euro-coins!'

'Okay then, what's the price break on TWENTY drinks?'

'Eat it while it's still £6.50.'

'Just as I suspected - cheating on our diet!'

I have to tell you: I preferred "buy one, get one free" night. Tuesday is "tall bartender, short bar stool" night.

"I say it's genetically altered, and I say the hell with it."

"Hey! Why did you turn off the news?"

Brexit Dinner Menu

"One of us has to draw the line somewhere, and I draw the line at mall sushi."

"Are you ready to pound down some breakfast?"

'It says right here in the ingredients, 'this product contains no yucky stuff'.'

'My decision is maybe and that's final.'

'I need anger management. All my takeovers are hostile.'

"This isn't one of those Fannie and Freddie scams, is it?"

"Would you like the £40 room or the £60 room?"

A-1 Driving School: Ask about our Crash Course.

"The sign means, all you can eat of the portion we give you."