Fraud Detection Pillows

'Waaiiiit a minute here... how do I know you're the real fraud department and not just posing as one?'

Robert Macaire as a fraudulent homoeopathic doctor

'You'll like this, gang ? it's an 'eyes-only' list of 'shady-but-tolerated' loopholes allowed by the Securities and Exchange Commission.'

Ducks and hares taken in by a wolf at a seance

'To hear our privacy policy, please tell us you credit card and social security numbers...'

'I can't believe an Alligator stole my identity... I mean, it's quite obvious I'm a Crocodile!'

'That's part of the reason for our problem. We lost the key to the door.'

'Well you checked my £20 note so I'm checking the change you gave me!'

"You have been specially selected to upload your bank details. Offer ends midnight."

Industrial Injuries Benefit.

Fake Counterfeit Money

"Forget the bloody glove for a moment; ignore all the arguments about the DNA evidence and try to remember that this case, after all, is about securities violations."

"Of course he's smiling, he spent all the company profits before he died."

"I don't know man. It sounds a lot like a pyramid scheme to me."

Artwork in a gallery still has wet paint.

"I think they're beginning to suspect our science is fraudulent."

"To verify you are the person who answered the phone, May I have your social security number and a major credit card."

"As your cell bitch, I imagine my Sarbanes-Oxley expertise should come in quite handy."

'To be honest I generally only deal with clients by phone or email.'

Berlitz guide to Scamese

"If we're the Serious Fraud Squad, how come we're looking for funny money?"

'Since you stole my identity I thought I'd bring you the rest of the package.'

'To prevent fraud, we like to verify whiplash injury claims!'

Leave one of your names with my secretary.

Identity theft' is a big risk these days... criminals assuming your persona to commit fraud...' '...so I got a quote for 'identity theft insurance' last week... it was a lot cheaper than I'd anticipated.' 'Apparently my personality is only a 'Group 3'.'

Three Little Pigs Insurance Scam.

"This is an imaginative expenses claim. I wish we could use those skills of yours in the business."

'Are you aware of the penalty for insurance fraud?'

"It's a web business fed up with credit card fraud ..they prefer to be paid by cash now!"

Frivolous Fraud Squad

'So you say the cash box was stolen.'

Get rich quick giving seminars!

"I'll need to see some ID before you can settle this account..."

"They weren't very friendly when they proscuted me for obtaining loans under false names."