Fossil Fuel Funster Gifts

Men looking at oil rig - "Are they supposed to take off like that?"

"I can't imagine why we didn't think of this before."

Mother to son, regarding stolen cake: 'I don't need to check anything with 'the boys in forensics' I know it was you.'

'Not that slowly back...'

"Are you ready to engage with rock-rased content?"

"Well, do you want to buy this sofa or not? You've been on it for three days!"

"A raise? You want me to give you a raise? Do I look like f*ckin' Santa Claus?"

"We can do it on the net now... so it's off to the knackery for you."

"Woo-hoo!"

Santa Randy was fired and Santa Claus got the job.

"That's right, Robert. Santa sends us a copy of his naughty and nice list, and we send him our students' grades."

Actualities - Artists abusing permission to exhibit more than three pictures this year

Cow asks the horse for the carrot.

"Psychiatric emergency service? Please come fast, I have one here who believes in me!"

"It's from the E.P.A., they say we have to have a non-smoking section."

'I understand that you only use your vehicle once a year, Mr. Claus, but you drive over a million miles that night. That's why your premium is so high.'

New York City Santa with huge bag hails cab.

'It's actually cheaper than the bait shop.'

'See, I told you this electric fence would come in handy.'

'Frankly, I think his caroling was better before he launched a solo career.'

'Sorry I Ate the Cookies Last Year.'

"My dad didn't get what he wanted for Christmas, so he went into his usual rage-display! So embarrassing..."

'The sun'll be up soon. Can I go downstairs now?'

"That is six feet."

The animal and plant kingdoms unite to send to you Season's Greetings.

'We find the defendant to be TOAST.'

'Well what do you know? There really is plenty of kitsch in the sea!'

"Thank you and feel free to download the appropriate holiday greeting from my website."

'I'm not hopeful about my presents Mum - when I asked him, he didn't even know our address.'

"They had their names removed using the right to be forgotten."

'For the first time in ages, Rudolph the red nosed reindeer faced some stiff competition from Ernie the energy saving reindeer'

Santa saying to shrink - "I don't believe in myself."

Scientists finally cracked Santa's vocabulary.

"You know I hate you, right?"