Fortuneteller T-Shirts

Card Reader in PC Supplies Store.

Grim Reaper: 'It's all just stuff she thinks I want to hear.'

'It's for people like yourself, who have led full lives.'

Your Winning Lottery Numbers Told: 'If they are really what you say - how come you can only afford a tent?'

Guy at drink stand says to Medium: 'Medium?'

'Any minute now I'll be getting a headache.'

"Why bother?"

"The sweater you knit him will be thrown out in February."

"I forsee you will have a better chance of winning the lottery than growing your testicles back."

'The bad news is you're going to marry a geek, and not a pro athlete. The good news is the geek owns the team.'

Asking out a palm reader.

Don't worry, I see babies, lots of babies...

'Dial 1-900-Fortune.'

Man enters a palm reading establishment carrying a tropical plant.

'I foresee a few more months of creating havoc without consequences, and then, yes, I see the 'cute' factor will start to wear thin...'

"This paw has you meeting a lovely poodle, an enchantress who will win your heart... but look, here, this is telling me she's lousy with fleas."

Emergency numbers on a telephone.

'... And this is Goldsmith, our futures consultant.'

Quantum Psychic

"I'm not sure you'll want to know this."

'Oh, no - I have to read each tentacle - that'll be extra, of course.'

"Tell her she's dead. I don't want to talk about the relationship."

"What is it? You're not wet or hungry. Mommy's not a mind reader. OK, I am, but I've never been very good at it."

Channelling on the Cheap

'I see you in five years from now, you're still coming to see me. Do you want me to book the appointments in advance?'

Madame Lucille - Fortune Teller 'I predict the future'.

'This fortune cookie says 'buy oriental tea futures'...'

"Finally, Miss Big-Shot calls her dead mother!"

Pie Filling Reader

"What's the final episode of 'Seinfeld' about?""It's about nothing."

Using psychic powers, the final exam had been a breeze. However, Madame Evetta did not realize that the student in front of her from who she had obtained the majority of her answers, was Bugs Higgins.

A cow goes to the Fortune Teller - 'I can see two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions, on a sesame seed bun...!'

"I know you think this sort of thing is nonsense sir, and I hate to prove you wrong. But according to my crystal ball, you're not going to give me the raise I'm about to ask for."

"I see a pretty lady who looks a lot like you....a very kind lady...and she's adopting what appears to be a box of adorable kittens!"

'I can see a visit to the vet, but, oh my, no more kids after that!...'