Fortune Tellers T-Shirts

"Complimentary crystal ball to see when the BLT you ordered might be showing up."

"Sorry, Mr. Flaster. The meek won't inherit the earth -- just the national debt."

"And that wraps it up for today's headlines. For a preview of what's happening tomorrow, here's Cassandra..."

'What do you see in gold futures.'

'I met my husband at one of these conventions. You could say it was love at second sight.'

"Why don't you see a good dermatologist?"

Guy at drink stand says to Medium: 'Medium?'

'Any minute now I'll be getting a headache.'

"Why bother?"

"I forsee you will have a better chance of winning the lottery than growing your testicles back."

"The sweater you knit him will be thrown out in February."

'I sense that someone is about to swindle you.' 'Wow, thanks for the warning! How much do I owe you?'

'The bad news is you're going to marry a geek, and not a pro athlete. The good news is the geek owns the team.'

Don't worry, I see babies, lots of babies...

Asking out a palm reader.

'Dial 1-900-Fortune.'

'I foresee a few more months of creating havoc without consequences, and then, yes, I see the 'cute' factor will start to wear thin...'

"This paw has you meeting a lovely poodle, an enchantress who will win your heart... but look, here, this is telling me she's lousy with fleas."

Man enters a palm reading establishment carrying a tropical plant.

'... And this is Goldsmith, our futures consultant.'

Quantum Psychic

"I'm not sure you'll want to know this."

"Tell her she's dead. I don't want to talk about the relationship."

'Oh, no - I have to read each tentacle - that'll be extra, of course.'

"What is it? You're not wet or hungry. Mommy's not a mind reader. OK, I am, but I've never been very good at it."

Channelling on the Cheap

A cow goes to the Fortune Teller - 'I can see two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions, on a sesame seed bun...!'

'I can see a visit to the vet, but, oh my, no more kids after that!...'

Using psychic powers, the final exam had been a breeze. However, Madame Evetta did not realize that the student in front of her from who she had obtained the majority of her answers, was Bugs Higgins.

Card Reader in PC Supplies Store.

'I see you in five years from now, you're still coming to see me. Do you want me to book the appointments in advance?'

"I see a pretty lady who looks a lot like you....a very kind lady...and she's adopting what appears to be a box of adorable kittens!"

Pie Filling Reader

"What's the final episode of 'Seinfeld' about?""It's about nothing."

"Finally, Miss Big-Shot calls her dead mother!"